6:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning, my spouse and I were wide awake and unable to sleep late. My husband made his move. It did seem like the perfect opportunity to fool around.
That is until…. our youngest daughter started crying and screaming from her bedroom. Not long after that, the dog started scratching and sniffing against the carpet at the foot of our bed. This is a sign that he needs to go outside to take care of business right away.
Soon my mind was distracted with all these outside interferences. I could not focus on romance with my husband.
I made a stupid comment. Finally I said to my husband, “Can we try again later?”
He covers himself up and leaves the bedroom. I can tell he is frustrated and disappointed. I’m certainly let down too. We wanted to invoke some romance but our attempt failed.
Our morning is not off to a great start. Sigh! Now we’re both in semi-bad moods.
I climb from the bed. I let the dog outside. Yes, he did need to relieve himself.
I listen for my daughter to see if she’s fallen back asleep or is awake and upset. Miraculously she seems to have drifted off again.
I’m feeling awful about how things are turning out for our weekend. My husband and I are just in separate rooms but feeling miles away. I don’t like this distance between us.
So I find my husband. He’s sitting at his desk staring at the computer screen. I give him a hug. I say how I’m sorry about how our first romantic attempt failed. He says he is sorry too.
I wanted to be with you; I did, I tell him.
I still do.
I hug him tighter. I kiss him. I rub his neck. He kisses me back longer and harder.
Soon we are back to where we wanted to be when we first woke up.
Let’s rekindle this, I say. Let’s slip away before another chance passes us by. Off to the bedroom we go for a second try.
This time we didn’t let the external noises bother us. We blocked it all out. We focused on each other.
Who cares if the child cries for a minute? Who cares if the dog has to go out again?
We needed time for each other, even if it was only for a short period.
Our do-over was wonderful. Perhaps it turned out even better than our first attempt might have been.
This was a good reminder for me: Don’t let a temporary sexual setback ruin the day!
If the phone rings or the kids walk in or some other incident comes between you and your spouse, make a point to renew your romance attempts within that same day.
The sooner you make time, the better off you’ll be. Don’t let a few days, or worse a few weeks, go by before you devote some intimacy to your spouse.
Although it might sound silly, add that “sex with spouse” to your written (and mental) to-do list for the day. Find a way to make it happen even among the busy schedule.
After all, if you have time for television, social media, laundry or reading, then you have time for a quickie with the person you love. Make it a priority and fit intimacy in your day.
I have a friend with five children. Her life is very hectic keeping up with all the schedules. I asked her how she makes time for love-making with her spouse. She says they plan their showers together daily. She reveals that often that is their only time together for days on end. So they make it a point to have that “you wash my back, I’ll wash yours” time.
Talk with your spouse and figure out what you BOTH can do to make time for each other, whether it’s sex or another way of just being close together.
If your first attempt doesn’t go the way you want it, walk away for now, but not for long. Recreate the moment later in the day or soon after.
Make-up sex is often better than no sex at all. The second (or third or fourth) attempt can often be more meaningful. It proves your commitment to each other and that taking time to show physical love is important.