“Dress for success” is a phrase we have all heard. If you want to obtain that professional job, you must look your absolute best during that interview, perhaps even wear a suit. Look the part and you’ll end up in the part.
The concept is simple – if you dress sexy, you will feel sexy. That’s easy, right? Well, not exactly. Until a year ago, I really struggled with that notion.
I thought I shouldn’t dress sexy. I am in my 30’s. I have children. Shouldn’t I set an example and be modest for my girls?
I lacked self-confidence. My attitude wasn’t in the best place. I was in a slump. I looked and felt frumpy most of the time too.
My husband encouraged me to dress in more attractive ways. My friend invited me to one of those parties where sexy toys and lingerie were sold.
Finally with some coaxing, I decided it was time to change my mind set. I did not need to feel guilty for wanting to be more appealing. However, I did need help in figuring out what was sexy and how I could be sexier.
Here’s how I helped overcome my insecurities and gain my sexy back:
Discuss what is sexy
I began to talk more openly with my husband on what we both found sexy. What was it that made actress Jennifer Aniston attractive to my spouse and actor Hugh Jackman attractive to me? Sure they are beautiful but it goes beyond that. They have a confident demeanor and they play off their assets. That is sexy. My spouse and I discussed our attributes and assets and how we could enhance them for ourselves and to each other.
My husband says he loves my muscular legs and wants me to show them off more. We discussed ways I can do that in a sexy yet comfortable way for me. I selected pencil skirts that stopped at my knees. They fit me well and even make me look taller which does boost my confidence.
For years my husband has been saying that he finds big hoop earrings very attractive. Although I was previously against wearing larger size earrings, I decided to give them a try. If my man found them appealing, why not attempt them? I did. I wore them several times in one week and slowly became more used to seeing them on my ears. Often a simple accessory can make a great difference in your appeal.
If I was going to feel sexier, then I have to stop wearing baggy clothing and flannel around the house. I had worked hard to lose the pregnancy weight but for months I was still dressing in maternity because it was accessible and comfortable. I had to rid myself of the “mommy” gear. Therefore I spent one evening sorting through my clothes. I put aside all the unflattering, stained and shapeless attire. I donated these items and made a promise to myself and my spouse that I would replace my wardrobe with clothes and undergarments that flattered me instead.
More than just the physical appearance, I needed to improve my mental well being. I committed to exercising a few times per week. My reason behind that was not just to maintain my healthy weight but to also maintain a healthy attitude. When I wake up or make time in my day to complete a Zumba, TaeBo or a Yoga routine, I feel stronger mentally. That sets the tone for the day and made me feel better about myself.
Enlist help from spouse, family and friends
To feel sexier, I recruit help from my husband and my closest friends. My husband is surprisingly happy to go along shopping with me as I select new clothing or an outfit for a special occasion. He likes giving his opinion and watching me try on clothes. I spent years doing that chore alone and dreading it. With his assistance now, the experience is more fun and I don’t have to second-guess my choice since he gives me his honest opinion.
My friends need encouragement and accountability for being sexy too. We make a pact to build each other up and share inspiring words for reaching our goals. A few of us started our own healthy living club where we trade tips for eating, exercising and living in better ways. We share stories and ideas in a private online setting. We even meet regularly to swap recipes, cleaning tips and methods for a more positive outlook. By making a vow to be healthy and live healthy and discuss healthy habits, you make yourself accountable and help your circle of friends do the same.
I also accept compliments more freely when they are given to me. As someone says something nice about my appearance, my attire or just about me in general, I acknowledge the sentiments. I say thank you instead of dismissing them or not believing them. I keep my family, especially my daughters, in my mind when it comes to flattery. What kind of self esteem do I want them to have as they grow into women? I want them to feel secure and determined. Therefore, I need to start with myself and be a good example for them. If someone is kind enough to say something nice about me, I want to accept it with poise and self-assurance.
Dare to wear
Over time I have put my attitude and my words into action. I dress sexier. I wear bolder attire than I did in my past, even if only around the house or in places where others cannot see.
First I began with wearing sexier underwear. I bought the cheap, frilly kind at the stores and threw out all the granny panties in my dresser. I started off with pretty pinks. Later I moved on to bold red and black lace.
Not long after that I took it up a notch and began wearing thongs regularly. I’ll admit that it took awhile before I felt comfortable in those. After several days in a row, I learned to accept them and enjoy them. Surprisingly I do feel sexier when I wear them.
I wear see-through gowns to bed instead of flannel pants and large t-shirts. I keep those comfy clothes handy by the side of the bed in case the kids come into the room or it’s a very cold night. I try not to sleep in those unflattering clothes though. What I wear does affect how I see myself and how I behave.
As I cook and clean around the house I even wear shorter or tighter tops and bottoms. Why not try to feel sexy while doing those mundane chores around the home? No one can see me but my family so I don’t have to feel embarrassed or worried. In the privacy of my own place, I should feel at ease and confident to wear anything I choose.
In going out in public, I carefully consider the environment and the purpose of my clothing choices. If I’m going to volunteer at my daughter’s school, then a low-cut shirt showing a bit of cleavage is clearly not the best option. That would be appropriate, however, for a dinner date with my husband, especially one where we hire a babysitter to watch our children at home. These are the things I think about now while I’m selecting and putting on my physical and mental attire for the day.
Thanks to discussing what is sexy, enlisting help from those I love and daring to wear more appealing garments, I’m gaining a better attitude and becoming a sexier me.
Get access to your free marriage library and the SMR Community.
The SMR Community is full of value, void of hype, tailored to your interests whenever possible, never pushy, and always free.
Plus, get several custom eBooks that will help you and your spouse create a better marriage.