Steve and Michelle, 43 and 41, have been married 19 years and are living the typical family life. They both work jobs they enjoy but at the end of the day they’re just jobs – not something they’re passionate about. Their 2 kids are involved in sports and hobbies and friends. Their evenings after work usually consist of running one kid to a practice while the other kid does homework or needs to get to their practice/game/friend’s house/etc so they usually try to divide and conquer.
Steve and Michelle’s hobbies and activities have been put on hold, at least until the kids get a little older and things will eventually calm down in their schedule. Well, that’s what they keep telling themselves. Problem is, things never have calmed down, and likely never will.
What they long for is the feelings they experienced when they were dating or newlyweds. When they couldn’t wait for their day to wind down knowing they were either heading out with each other to experience some sort of adventure or, better still, winding up at home together for a quiet evening on the couch and if everything went smoothly, in each others arms.
As the years have passed they have become secluded from those around them – and each other. The times they do think back on their weeks they each realize they aren’t having any fun. There’s nothing to look forward to on evenings or weekends. So they simply chalk it up to “this is our stage of life” and put their heads down and work, chauffeur, support and offer help those around them – not themselves or each other.
They decided to look for a class or retreat through their church – and that’s when things really went wrong.
Like many of us, they went looking for support, transparency and a roadmap to a better connection. What they found were a bunch of other couples giving off the perception of a vibrant marriage yet after they left the weekly classes or the weekend retreat they felt like they’d just spent hours scrolling through FaceBook. They saw what other people wanted them to see but felt no closer to anyone, especially each other.
They heard messages like “you simply need to pray more” – “a great marriage is built on serving others and sacrifice” – “you have to fight for your marriage no matter what”
While these messages aren’t wrong, there is more needed. There’s more going on in the marriages of those of us in a fallen world that far too often isn’t talked about openly. And when they are, platitudes or slogans simply aren’t enough.
This is why Steve and Michelle would often leave these meetings feeling even more broken or lost. What was talked about in their group of friends wasn’t what they were experiencing within the walls of their home. I mean, how are they supposed to bring up the fact that often they went to bed feeling alone, that they often felt more like roommates than lovers, and when they did get the chance to have sex – it was functional at best, not the intimate connection they believed it should be.
Then one day Steve stumbled across a weekly podcast named Sexy Marriage Radio. He was initially drawn to the episodes that were willing to talk openly about the subjects and topics only the more “crude or crass, anything goes morally” shows would cover. He felt like there was finally a path to hear real conversations about subjects happening in his life and marriage.
After a couple of weeks Steve told Michelle about the podcast and she initially was turned off by his suggestion that she should listen. “This is just another way to make me feel bad about the fact that we don’t have enough sex in our marriage” she replied.
Steve kept listening, and even called in with a couple of questions for the SMR hosts to address. The longer he listened, the more he realized that the shows, while appearing to be about sex were actually more about life. He loved the idea of becoming more solid in his life and marriage – and he began stumbling his way towards that goal.
After a couple of months, Michelle reluctantly turned on a recent episode. She initially cringed at one of the topics but then she heard the co-host Pam push back on something Corey had said and she felt like Pam had spoken for her. It helped Michelle see that she wasn’t alone in her experience as the lower desire spouse. And it helped her feel like perhaps she wasn’t broken or there was something going wrong with her. A few more weeks went by and while on a chauffeur run Michelle brought up a topic she heard on that week’s SMR episode to Steve after they had dropped off both kids.
Steve was elated to discuss the topic with her, and while their conversation didn’t resolve all their issues between them, far from it, it did create a tiny spark that left them both feeling something a little different… hope.
Months later Steve suggested that they attend the Sexy Marriage Radio Getaway. Michelle hesitated initially, but then agreed.
The time came for them to travel to Dallas for the getaway and they both were feeling a mixture of emotions. What if this was like their prior marriage class or retreat experiences? What if they only heard the traditional platitudes or slogans that ultimately didn’t help them? What if the other couples also attending the Getaway were more concerned about appearing happy and connected than sharing what really goes on in their bedrooms and homes?
So what did Steve and Michelle discover after attending their Sexy Marriage Radio Getaway?
Join us this June 17th – 20th to discover for yourself.