If there is one thing that will throw a wrench in married-life, it’s kids.
Don’t get me wrong, kids are a tremendous blessing and source of fun and laughter, but they can also be whiny, energy draining monsters that can suck joy out of things at a the drop of a hat.
With kids around the house, no matter what their ages, life gets more complicated and busy.
Activities, homework, chores, meal, bedtimes, carpools, and on it goes.
Much of how we do family is learned and passed down through the generations. Each generation either adopts what their family did, or goes to the other extreme vowing to do family vastly different than the previous generation.
Either way, your past influences your present. And your present will influence your kids future.
How great would it be to pass along a simple, loving, passionate, adventurous marriage to your future generations?
It can be done, and it’s easier than you think.
It begins by slowing down and making a note of all you do in your marriage during a typical week. Seriously, take a moment and write down your typical week of married life. Not things you do for your children, not things you do for your job or career, or the things you do so the house looks the way you’d like – but the things you do with your spouse.
If you’re like most people, this little exercise will be a bit disheartening. You’ll likely see that your marriage is often pushed aside for other things. It is so easy to replace the important with the immediate.
Research is now revealing that when priority is placed on the marriage and not the children – the children, and not surprisingly the marriage, benefit.
On a side note: Care to guess what’s the second highest timeframe for divorce?
After 20 plus years of marriage is now statistically second. The reason? Kids are gone and there’s little to hold the couple together.
So regardless where you find yourself currently, if you work on making your marriage a priority, your kids reap the benefits. So do you.
Here’s a few ideas that may help.
1. Steal moments together. If you have young children in the house like I do, it’s often difficult to find times to connect with your spouse. Take advantage of bed time routines. My wife and I have short discussions while the kids are in the bathtub. We sit together on the deck after they go to bed. Look for moments throughout your day, you’ll likely find many opportunities.
2. Make it clear that you love your spouse. It’s been stated that one of the best things you can do for your children is love their mom/dad. This is true, but it goes beyond just saying it. Sit together while watching a movie or TV. Hug. Kiss. Talk. Cuddle. All in front of your kids.
3. Do things as a family, but for your marriage. Go on walks. Ride bikes. Eat outside. Play. Go to the playground and not only push your kids in the swing, push your spouse as well. It’s the little things that you can do together that will create lasting bonds for your marriage, and your family.
4. Go on dates. Take advantage of family members who live close by or contribute to the economy of a local teenager by hiring them to babysit so you and your spouse can go out for an evening. It may take some planning, but it’s worth it. Make a point to have an evening alone with your spouse at least once a month.
5. Give up the TV. We have gone without the TV several times in the past couple of years and it’s amazing to see what that did for our marriage. Try it for a week, or limit the shows you watch and use that time to talk, do little projects together, or spend your the time in other pursuits (wink, wink).
6. Declutter. Clutter distracts, adds chaos, and drains energy from life and your relationships. If you want to give your marriage a boost, declutter the master bedroom. Nothing can kill a romantic moment like embracing your lover, kissing passionately, making your way to the bed together only to trip over the pile of clothes on the floor. Spend some time this week decluttering your room. The rest of the house can wait.