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Anal Sex #450

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On the Regular version of today’s show …

A couple of emails on the topic of Anal Sex. What do you do when one spouse is unwilling to try it? And what are some tips for those who are willing to try it?

Plus an email from a wife whose husband is turned off by sex during pregnancy – and after it.

On the Xtended version …

We unpack an email from a wife who found out her husband masturbates regularly to porn because she set up a hidden camera in their bedroom.

Enjoy the show!

____

Today’s Sponsor …

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Got a question?

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Get help for your relationship and sex life from the comfort of your own home. This is an opportunity for YOU to fully experience the fact that “The BEST SEX can happen IN the Marriage Bed!” ...

Corey Allan: Welcome back to another episode of Sexy Marriage Radio, Dr. Corey Allan alongside my wife Pam, as always.

Pam Allan: Yeah, good to be here.

Corey Allan: Good to see you again Pam.

Pam Allan: Good to see you finally. It's been a long day. We're just now getting to see each other.

Corey Allan: Absolutely. Well, this is Sexy Marriage Radio where we're having honest, straight forward conversations about life, and love, and marriage, and sex and all that goes on. The good, the bad, the not so good, the mediocre, the great. We want to cover it all because here at Sexy Marriage Radio, no topic is off limits. You're going to get honest, straightforward conversations. We'll help frame the conversation because what our hope is that in your marriage you can talk about the things maybe we start talking about with the person that you do this with.

Pam Allan: Yeah, take it a deeper dive, so it's more meaningful within your relationship.

Corey Allan: Absolutely. And if you want to let us know what's on your mind, or a topic that you'd love us to cover, or a question that you've got because you've got nowhere else to ask, we'll answer it. You can call us at 214 702-9565 or send us an email at feedback@sexymarriageradio.com because every email is read, every voicemail is listened to. Some of them make them on the air, some of them we reply to just via the inbox, but all of them help us shape the Sexy Marriage Radio nation because every single member of the Sexy Marriage Radio nation is vital to making this show happen.

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: And if you also like what we got going on, I want to ask you to go to iTunes and rate and review the show. Leave a comment, help us spread the words that married sex is a sacred place for sex. That it can only get better and our hope is that that happens for you. So we're at the time of season right now where a new year's getting ramped up, which means we're getting in the gear up stage for what's to come, namely being the getaway that's right around the corner.

Pam Allan: Yeah, in June.

Corey Allan: Can we say that about June?

Pam Allan: In June. You can, because we seem to blink and it's here.

Corey Allan: It's true. But June 18 through 21 here in the DFW area, registrations are going on right now. So smrnation.com/getaway. Come join us because this will be the sixth getaway-

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: ...we've done and this is going to be the last getaway we'll do in this current format.

Pam Allan: okay. And when do you start disclosing a new format?

Corey Allan: Yes.

Pam Allan: Okay, good job.

Corey Allan: We got to have a little bit of a tease. Yeah?

Pam Allan: Yeah. Well I'm not expecting you to do it now, just people are asking.

Corey Allan: But we do want you to come join us because it's going to be a great four days. We've got some great things already planned, couples massage training, a dance, and a couple of other things still in the works that really excited to have happen. We really hope that you'll come take a little time out with us because it's going to be a great four days.

Pam Allan: Yeah, you won't be disappointed.

Corey Allan: Today's episode of Sexy Marriage Radio was brought to you by EverPillow from Infinite Moon, infinitemoon.com, use your code SMR 10 to save 10% on all natural, fully customizable pillows. Coming up on today's regular version of Sexy Marriage Radio, we've got some really good questions that have come in the inbox lately, Pam, on some topics that we cover at the getaway and we've covered whenever we've had a chance to speak and do like sex Q&A-

Pam Allan: At mom's groups and different events.

Corey Allan: ...as some of the moms groups and church groups have different things where people want to ask these questions, but they just don't know when and how. And so we will answer them and I'm excited to get your take on some of the topics we're going to cover today.

Pam Allan: Okay. All right. These always scare me because I just never know what's going to be flinging my way. It's going to be zingers right past my head.

Corey Allan: Exactly. We should have had this one on camera-

Pam Allan: Let's see if we can embarrass him today.

Corey Allan: ...so people can watch today. Exactly. And coming up on the extended version of Sexy Marriage Radio, which is deeper, longer, and there's no ads, you can subscribe@smrnation.com, we've got an email that's been in the inbox for a while that's worth unpacking because there's a lot in it.

Pam Allan: All right.

Corey Allan: And so we're going to do what we've done before where at the end of the regular version we'll go through the email and then during the extended version we'll answer it.

Pam Allan: We'll cover it and answer it? Okay, wonderful.

Corey Allan: So all that's coming up on today's show. We have a couple of emails that have come in as we get started today that all surrounding the topic of anal sex.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: Okay? So we've talked about this. I was looking through the archives and this has been addressed only a couple of times in the eight years of Sexy Marriage Radio. But the first one, we're going to kind of come at this from two different lenses, I guess on two different ideas behind it, from two different emails that have come in.

Corey Allan: So here's the first one. So just as it goes, "Good morning. I just recently started listening to SMR and I love it. First started listening after a conversation I had with my husband about sex. He wants me to be more open to new things. My husband has more experience with sex and while I've only had five partners throughout my life, sometimes I feel that I'm inadequate when it comes to sex and I've expressed this. I do not want to try some things but I'm usually willing to try some new positions like lingerie or some of the other things."

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: But there's some things that she's not willing to try.

Pam Allan: This one's just crossing the line.

Corey Allan: "My husband wants to do anal sex and I'm not really on board. We've tried to do some things to make me comfortable, but it just doesn't work for me. He does appreciate the fact that I'm trying, but I can tell he's disappointed. I want it to be spicier, but also in the realm of my comfort. What do I do?"

Pam Allan: Hmm. Okay. Yeah. So rephrase. What do you do when one person wants to do something the other doesn't want to do, right?

Corey Allan: Right. And so to her question, in the way she's framing this, "I want things to be spicier, but in my comfort zone," those two things cannot simultaneously exist usually.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: Spicy is found out just outside of your comfort zone typically. That's what makes it spicy.

Pam Allan: Sure.

Corey Allan: That's novelty. That's when the anxiety kind of goes up a little bit.

Pam Allan: But I can totally get how that specific act would not necessarily feel like novelty.

Corey Allan: Well, sure. So some of it, if you kind of think of it as we live life... If you drew a circle around yourself in our sex life, we live life. We kind of create this boundary around us of, "The things that are within this boundary I'm comfortable with. They're okay. I enjoy, you know, it's part of what's my normal." When I venture outside of it a little bit, that's where you start to find the novelty and the spice.

Corey Allan: But then sometimes you come across a situation in a marriage where one partner really wants to try something that pushes you much further than just a little bit beyond it. That's kind of what she's describing and the way I picture it.

Pam Allan: Yeah, I agree with that.

Corey Allan: And he gives her props for, "I appreciate your willingness to at least attempt or stretch or talk about it," which that's good, right? Because all of us learn and grow by little steps and things. But what I'm hearing from her that just begins this topic for us is, "What do I do when it's not something I'm on board with, but yet my husband wants to and the fact that he wants to and I don't, he's disappointed."

Pam Allan: Yeah. You feel like you're the one letting the other spouse down and I guess maybe the reverse could be seen. It doesn't sound like the husband sees it this way, but is there an element of the husband letting the wife down just because he's wanting to do that?

Corey Allan: Well, yes. This does get into the idea of the meanings of what's the point? What's the meaning of it? What's the reality of why, what's the motivation on both sides?

Pam Allan: You know, what point do you... Well, I'm sure they've had discussions. Well I can't say I'm sure.

Corey Allan: It sounds like they would've had discussions about it.

Pam Allan: Discussions about it, and then you have discussions about cleanliness and the other items that come into play when you're talking about anal sex. Right?

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: I'm assuming this has come up in, conversations with clients and different things like that. What's the guidance that you give in that arena when you're talking about anal sex?

Corey Allan: Okay, well that goes to the second email.

Pam Allan: Oh, okay. Okay. Are we pushing past the first... I want to put... you go-

Corey Allan: I wan to table it for a second and then...

Pam Allan: All right. You got somewhere you want to go and I'm pushing you on.

Corey Allan: And then we'll get into the idea. So here we go. This is the dynamic of she's pushing me where I don't want to go right now. But it's seeing it as we, we will talk about the ins... The ins and the outs is about what I was to say.

Pam Allan: Nicely played, okay.

Corey Allan: No, thank you. Pun intended I guess, but we can talk about what are the things that you need to be aware of if this is going to be a part you want to venture into or as a part that you're already into in your life. But I still want to make sure she hears that spice and comfort don't co-exist because there is an element of how do I push myself but not go beyond because we all have elements of, I'll go this far but not that far.

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: I'll test it out and then I'll stand up and I'll say no. And this is where what I'm hearing is she's trying to figure out how to navigate two choice dilemma's by making sure everybody's okay and satisfied and happy rather than seeing it as, "You know what he's pushing for something I'm not interested in. So when I stand up and finally say, you know what, I'll go this far. I'll deal with this. We can play around the external part of it, whatever. But once insertion happens, I'm out, I'm not interested and you're going to be disappointed with that and I'm going to be okay or learn to be okay with your disappointment." Because it's the same thing of he's wanting her to stretch and grow and deal with something that she doesn't want to do. So she's got disappointment. So which one gets it?

Pam Allan: Right. One of you is getting disappointed in this scenario.

Corey Allan: And so it's one way to think of it. And so instead, how do you start to see this more through the lens of, "How am I maintaining self and my own character, my own identity?" Because sometimes you get into these arenas, especially some of the ones that are more taboo, which anal sex fits into that category.

Pam Allan: A taboo, yeah.

Corey Allan: Especially among Christian and some of the different cultural dynamic that can come around it.

Pam Allan: Sure.

Corey Allan: So whenever you're venturing into some of these things, we get into this quick repulsion rather than... Just reacting to it is oftentimes just a reaction. "I need to solidify," and I'm speaking as the wife here, "I need to solidify why is this out of my comfort zone. Why is this something I'm not interested in? Just like I would like for my husband to explain why is it something he's interested in?" We both need to get more clarity of our meanings.

Pam Allan: Right. That's valid, because then we're both coming from firmer, more solid stances rather than reactionary on one end or the other.

Corey Allan: Right. And You also open up the possibilities of we could do other things that still can get close to that meaning, right?

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: And so that's the route forward for what I'm hearing her. Now to get to your question, which is the other email that came in shortly after this one actually.

Pam Allan: Okay, so what's the email saying?

Corey Allan: This one just says, "Hey, my wife and I did anal sex for the first time. I loved it, she put up with it. It seemed to go okay for her and it's something she would consider again down the road because I really enjoy it. Do I have, do we have any episodes that discuss anal sex? Thanks." Well we do now because of today's episode.

Pam Allan: Yeah. I'm just struck by his phrase, go back over that.

Corey Allan: "I loved it, she put up with it."

Pam Allan: "She put up with it," and what does it say right after "She put up with it"?

Corey Allan: "It seemed to go okay for her and it's something she would consider again down the road because I really enjoyed it."

Pam Allan: That's it. She put up with it. It seemed to go okay for her.

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: And I guess I would question... I mean my gut is saying, "If you're doing something together, don't you want it to be great for both of you?" Are we okay with it just being okay and our spouse putting up with something?

Corey Allan: Optimally I would say it's okay, but wouldn't you think there's a part of married life where there are times where the higher desire is putting up with something for the lower desire or vice versa?

Pam Allan: Well true. That could be going to this company Christmas party, right?

Corey Allan: Yeah. Well I mean because you get into this element of, this is a good way to frame it and this almost ties into the last email too. You get into this element of, "If I have a strong no," it's almost a continuum, right? "If I have a strong no then I need to understand why." This, how he ended the last email.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: What's the meaning? If I'm in a neutral, then sometimes there's something I can take it for the team. I'm more indifferent.

Pam Allan: It's some things-

Corey Allan: It's not a bad, it's not necessarily a good, but there is an element of this. And this is where consciously can I make the choice where I'm not blaming and feeling forced or obligated, but I'm choosing.

Pam Allan: I think it's different to take one for the team when I'm going to a restaurant that I don't necessarily like their food versus having a penis put up my anus.

Corey Allan: Okay.

Pam Allan: Right? There's definite personal space that's being invaded there. And that's whether it's anal sex or vaginal sex or-

Corey Allan: Mm-hmm (affirmative), oral sex.

Pam Allan: Yes, there are things that we, "I'm going to defer to my spouse on this and I'm going to go along with this because I'm fine with it." I think there's different degrees of that though.

Corey Allan: Well, okay but my hunch is because I got 26 and a half years with you, actually longer than that as far as the relationship goes and our upbringings are very, very similar, my hunch is this is coming out of the topic and the response from you personally.

Pam Allan: I do not doubt that this is coming out at the topic.

Corey Allan: More than it is. Okay, hold on.

Pam Allan: There are differences though.

Corey Allan: Sure.

Pam Allan: You got to say that anything you're talking about on the sex topic, if you're going beyond where one spouse would want to go, it's not the same as other places necessarily across the board [crosstalk 00:15:59].

Corey Allan: Right. But you jumped on the, "She's okay with it," and that you went with the negative on that rather than, "that can still go as a positive. She's okay with it. It doesn't provide a great amount of pleasure, but it's okay."

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: "It's not painful." And that's the biggest thing. If you're talking about tips for anal sex, health, safety communication are paramount. Because it's one of these riskier versions of intercourse, if you will.

Pam Allan: Risky because the cleanliness or because of how tender the tissue is in there?

Corey Allan: Risky because of cleanliness, risky because of the tissue, risky because of tearing, cuts. So there's a lot of things that you have to be aware of that... I mean the stuff I've come across and the clients that have come through my office where this has been a source of the conversation, they are all 100% without fail, lube, lube, lube, lube, lube is a must because-

Pam Allan: Well you don't have the natural lubricant coming but-

Corey Allan: Exactly, but it's realizing that you can do it, but there has to be constant communication going on throughout it.

Pam Allan: Got you.

Corey Allan: Because it does put you in a scenario of, is somebody just okay with it? And then it gets into the point of, "Okay, I'm no longer okay with it." "But I can't read your face that way because of the position we're likely in that that's happening."

Pam Allan: Well, and it's interesting you say that. I think if of some of these groups that we go to where the anal sex topic comes up and at the same time the topic comes up of, "He wants me to talk during sex, but I just can't. I can't do it. I can't talk." And if you're in this scenario, if you're not talking, if you're not communicating, you're setting yourself up for potentially disaster.

Corey Allan: A lot of pain. Yeah. A lot pain that can come from this. But it's just recognizing that this is something, if both people are on board, okay, then go for it. But again, health, safety, time, you know, you want to ease into it.

Pam Allan: Don't rush it you mean?

Corey Allan: Don't rush this. Yeah, I couldn't think of the right word. That you take your time. You warm up to this. Because I've had a couple of couples that this was their preferred route because of vaginal scarring, because of some different things that have come along that made it penal-vaginal intercourse Painful.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: And what they actually did is they discovered anal sex hit a G-spot from the other way or hit part of the vagina no, the clitoris.

Pam Allan: Okay, the clitoris.

Corey Allan: Because the clitoris is internal. I was kind of working around there in a mental gymnastics there for a second. That it hit a different way as well as his manual stimulation during.

Pam Allan: Got you.

Corey Allan: And it was very pleasurable for both of them. So this is one of those things that everybody probably has a, "Oh no way," Or, "Oh okay." We land somewhere naturally on the scale when we this topic comes up.

Pam Allan: Right. Well that example that you just gave right there, I'm sure there's a majority of listeners that have never heard it from that point of view.

Corey Allan: Right. And so just recognizing, okay, "I land wherever I land on the scale with this. Why?" Venture into the whys because then at least I'm solidifying, "This is my rationale. I just don't find any pleasure with it. I think it's gross. I think..." You know, whatever it could be. Okay. At least then I've got more solidness in the way I can respond and then handle a disappointment that might be coming from a spouse that is interested in it. Because it's going to come down to everybody's personal taste, everybody's personal nuances. And those change and shift. But if I'm constantly just overreacting and quick reacting to it, I never have a chance to challenge it and solidify myself, which I can actually benefit from if I'm willing to do that. So for several weeks now, Pam and I... Would you say we're sleeping on a cloud?

Pam Allan: I would say a cloud that actually fits my neck and head.

Corey Allan: That's a great point because we've been using the EverPillow from Infinite Moon. The beauty of this pillow to me personally is when you get it, it's all natural, but at the end of the pillow is a zipper that allows you to take out filling, which is also all natural or put more in. Because you can adjust this pillow because my struggle with pillows is one, they wear out over time too fast. And then I find myself folding and flipping and trying to make it the right size or they're way too big. Finding that right size doesn't work.

Pam Allan: Yeah. And this one's been great. I've had neck problems for a while and this one was sweet because I've been looking the same way, they're either too big or too small. And this one was sweet because I can adjust the filling to make it just right and it's been so helpful on the neck issues that I've had.

Corey Allan: The EverPillow by Infinite Moon. It's all natural, fully customizable pillows. You get them and just remove or add the natural fill to get the pillow feel and loft exactly what you want for your sleep style and your body type. They're made in Colorado. And one of the coolest parts about this company Pam, is they are a job creation program that helps former felons, addicts and homeless get jobs and job training and life skills. So they've got great products with a great purpose. They offer free shipping, 100 day, no risk trial for the best night's sleep ever. You can pick up your EverPillow at infinitemoon.com. And don't forget to use the code SMR 10, that's the number 10, to save 10% at checkout. Again, that's infinitemoon.com, use the code SMR 10 to save 10%.

Corey Allan: Okay, so another email that came in a little while ago, Pamela, that is from a wife that says, "I recently had my third child in February," and so I'm guessing this was a year or two ago, because it's been in the inbox for several months, so I'm thinking it's been a little while just because of where she's going to go, so that's what makes sense.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: "My husband has a thing where he just can't have sex with me when I'm pregnant. After I have the baby, it still takes a while for him to come around. Once we break the ice, we have a pretty normal sex life. I've really struggled with this and I'm too embarrassed to admit to anyone that my husband doesn't want to have sex with me. During an after my other two pregnancies, I would ask him about it, but this time I haven't mentioned it for my own sanity. It's been almost a year and a half since we've had sex. What do I do? How should I approach the topic? Or should I just wait until he is ready? This literally makes me feel like I'm disgusting for having a baby. Please help."

Pam Allan: That breaks my heart.

Corey Allan: Yeah. This is a gut punch.

Pam Allan: Yeah.

Corey Allan: Because I don't know if I'm different in the male category of... A pregnant woman is an incredibly sexy thing. Not sexual, but it's just, there's vibrancy there, there's life there. It's an attractive thing.

Pam Allan: I agree, but everybody has-

Corey Allan: Everybody's different.

Pam Allan: Different. Everybody has different tastes.

Corey Allan: Yeah. Cause I-

Pam Allan: Who knows what it is that his hangup is?

Corey Allan: Right. This hurts my heart because I can't imagine just the body image recalibrating a woman has to go through that comes along with pregnancy and childbirth. Because everything shifts and moves and doesn't always go back to where it was.

Pam Allan: Well, and I think each additional child can make that a little bit more... A little more of a struggle to get the body... I mean, you're not going back to before you had kids. But that causes a struggle. So what's the advice for a woman in this scenario with a husband that's neglecting...

Corey Allan: Well, she's on it a little bit in the sense that with one and two she would bring it up. But for whatever reason with three for her own sanity, she wouldn't, I'm curious about what that means.

Pam Allan: Well, that's a good point. So avoiding doesn't make it go away.

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: Right? So-

Corey Allan: It often just intensifies the elephant and the tension.

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: So there is an element of being able to bring it up is about moving into what it is that you're wanting. What is it you're interested in? What's the dynamic going on in between you? How do you just bring it up between you of like, "Hey, this has been our pattern and we're really deep into it now. What gives? What's going on? Where are you?"

Pam Allan: Well it, yeah. It seems like there's got to be something going on there. I would be really surprised if he didn't have some sort of release in the last year and a half. So what's the Avenue there?

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: Where are you going?

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: I think I'd really be asking that question. Is that ridiculous to ask that question?

Corey Allan: Well, but that's under the umbrella of all men want to have sex and all men, If they're not having sex, we'll go off and masturbate or get it elsewhere.

Pam Allan: Okay. So, that seems like-

Corey Allan: That's not true with everybody.

Pam Allan: So that's an over the top or a reactionary question potentially?

Corey Allan: No, I think it's part of the playing field. I think it's a avenue to explore, to think through, because she's got data on him to know. What's been the history? What's been the patterns? What's been the behaviors? But as far as the dynamic between the two of them, if there's a dynamic going on between you and you just try to act like it's not there and hope the other person picks up the cues, good luck. You're going to be waiting a while. That's her experience.

Corey Allan: It's been a year and a half. I discuss the wait until he comes around? No, not if it's something you're interested in. How do you move into that part of your life better? How do you move into it and just say, "Look, what gives? This is part of our dynamic. This is part of our relationship and it's not happening and I don't like that. So get on board or what do we need to do? We'll go get some help. We'll reach out for people."

Pam Allan: Then you take the next step, right?

Corey Allan: Absolutely. And then again, the reason... And that's a great little segue to point out Pam, that when we get into these scenarios, don't we get so caught up in what's step 553 rather than what step one?

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: Because we see the natural progression of, "Oh, I don't want to know the answer to that because that would mean it's going to lead to this and it'll lead to that and ultimately lead to us not together as a possibility. And so I'm afraid because I don't want that outcome-

Pam Allan: You go down to worst case scenarios.

Corey Allan: ...so I don't take the first step rather than how do I take the first step? And I just bring it up, and I just say, "You know what? It's been a year and a half buddy. Where are you? Would love to get with you again." And you see how he responds.

Pam Allan: It really is as simple as that, isn't it?

Corey Allan: A lot of times, but it's also... Simple doesn't mean not scary.

Pam Allan: Right. And as simple as that doesn't mean that step number two might be really hard.

Corey Allan: Right. But I can't know what step number two is if I haven't taken step number one. And that to me is the true path of every major difficulty we face in life. I have to take step one before I can figure out step two.

Pam Allan: It's the path to every great resolution too though.

Corey Allan: Yep, absolutely is.

Pam Allan: So it can go both ways.

Corey Allan: So Pam, before we transition to the extended content, I want to give a heads-up on, here's what we're talking about, with the email that came in. And so this is from a wife that was listening to our podcast and needed an opinion. So she's just listening to all of them. So she just trying to catch up. She's been married 22 years.

Corey Allan: "The beginning sex was good and frequent and by that it was four to five times a week. Well 22 years later, age 55, and I know I'm going through menopause because I've got no libido, hot flashes, just the whole menopause symptoms, sex has become maybe a once a week thing and most of the time on my part it's pleasing him. And I'm not done for the last six months or so. I've tried estrogen patches, but I had terrible side effects, so the doctor took me off them. So now I'm not doing anything for the symptoms at this time.

Corey Allan: About a year ago, he went to a doctor wanting to get on testosterone because he was feeling tired. He had to go to two different ones before he found the one that would give him the shots. His blood count is in the range, but it's just in the low side of the range. So anyway, he's taking shots weekly. About six months ago, I thought he was cheating, so I started we started fighting about everything and sex became less. Two months ago I decided that I was going to get a hidden camera and I did and it's in the bedroom.

Corey Allan: I haven't seen another woman in there, but four to six times a week he watches porn on CD's or his phone and masturbates to them. I went for a few weeks and said nothing. Then I just couldn't take it anymore, when he started wanting different things and he bought a very expensive sex toy for me. I blew up. I say it's the testosterone because he did admit that it made sex better for him. And he's not physically cheating on me at least, but physically does that... What does that even mean` physically?

Corey Allan: He hadn't touched anyone but, "Everything else is free game," is what he thinks in his mind. I asked, "How often do you do it?" And he says, "This was the only time." On that I call bull because I have proof. So he's lying about all of it. So we decided that no CDs without me and he would stop the shots. It didn't even last a week in the CDs, phone, websites. The shots went two weeks and now he's given them to himself without me knowing. So he's lying to me about everything again. We have sex maybe once in the last two weeks because all I see is him lying or thinking about someone else.

Corey Allan: I was probably wrong for the spy camera, but yes, it's still up. And I did not admit to the camera either. I've not confronted him this last time because I do not know how to let it go or forgive or forget. He said that I'm the one that's changed and I said, "Yes, I have as most women do with menopause," and I tried to help the situation. So I told him to find someone and I'll go see them. He said he's not the one that's changed. So I'm on my own. Thanks for your thoughts."

Corey Allan: There's a lot there.

Pam Allan: There's a ton to unpack that.

Corey Allan: Yeah.

Pam Allan: Okay. In the extended. Meet you there?

Corey Allan: I'll see you on the other side. Well these have been a couple of deeper ones today.

Pam Allan: They have, they have. Its...

Corey Allan: Some of them hurt my heart.

Pam Allan: Uh-huh (affirmative), yeah.

Corey Allan: On the way life unfolds sometimes with couples, with people, with us. I mean-

Pam Allan: Yeah, it's not always the fairy tale it it?

Corey Allan: Disney+ is a streaming service. It's not real life, it's reel life. Right? R-E-E-L.

Pam Allan: R-E-E. It's where you go to get away from life.

Corey Allan: Absolutely. Well my hope is that some of the way we've steered the conversation or framed it is truly helpful to the people that had the courage and the willingness to be honest with us, because it's humbling when people are honest with us. So, so excited that people reach out to us all the time still and ask us the questions, bring us into behind closed doors and into hearts and minds and ask, "Hey, how can I steer this? How can I deal with that? What's a better way?" Because it's an honor, every time the Sexy Marriage Radio nation tunes in, calls in and writes in. Well, this has been Sexy Marriage Radio. Wherever you are, whatever you've been doing, thanks for taking some time out of your day to spend it with us. We'll see you next time.

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