Top iTunes Marriage Podcast

8.6+ Million Downloads

hosted by Dr. Corey Allan

Being Dangerous #497

On the Regular version of today’s show …

Tripp Lanier, the host of The New Man Podcast, joins me today to talk about how playing it safe in life will dampen, if not destroy passion and energy in life and marriage.

Hear more from Tripp here https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/

On the Xtended version …

Tripp and I continue the conversation about living a dangerous life and how this has played out in Tripp’s personal life. 

Enjoy the show!

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Got a question?

CALL US 214-702-9565
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Speaker 1: You are listening to the regular version of Sexy Marriage Radio. SMRnation.com.
You've turned on Sexy Marriage Radio, where the best sex happens in the marriage bed. Here's your host, Dr. Corey Allan.

Corey Allan: Welcome back to another episode of Sexy Marriage Radio, where we are once again back on the air going where the SMR Nation wants to go, which is a lot of different places a lot of times.

Pam Allan: Well, there's a broad variety of folks out there listening, right? Lots of different life stages and lots of different satisfaction levels, or you name it, however that, I guess, may be phrased.

Corey Allan: And we are really grateful that there is such a broad variety of people out there in the SMR Nation and that they speak up and they tell us what's going on and they ask their questions. And you can call us at (214)-702-9565 this holiday season if you've got a question and you're not sure around the fire with all the family is the place to ask it. We'll answer it. So fire away.

Pam Allan: We're your other family.

Corey Allan: Yes, we are.

Pam Allan: Our fire is safe.

Corey Allan: You also want to email if that's what you prefer. You can send it to feedback@sexymarriageradio.com. I was about to give the phone number again just in case people missed it.

Pam Allan: That's not email.

Corey Allan: And you're right, that is not email. So to all of those that are celebrating the holiday season, as Christmas is fast approaching, we just wish great seasons greetings upon all the members of the SMR Nation. And we hope that you recognize the gift and the blessing it is to get a chance to spend time with family, and with today's day and age and what's going on. Even if seeing family remotely, cherish those times. Because we don't know. We're not promised anything, right? So we just hope that everybody makes the most of every opportunity. And if you do spend it with your spouse just quietly, well, enjoy it.

Pam Allan: Enjoy it. Find some things to laugh at no matter what.

Corey Allan: Absolutely.

Pam Allan: Find something to enjoy.

Corey Allan: Well, coming up on today's regular free version of Sexy Marriage Radio is an interview that I got to have with somebody I've followed for quite a while in the podcast world. It's a life coach named Tripp Lanier.

Pam Allan: And I love his name.

Corey Allan: He is the host of The New Man Podcast. He has a book out called This Book Will Make You Dangerous. And we'll have a conversation, he works largely with men. He's coached some real high power people all the way down to just people like me. But he works a lot with men. And so we have a great conversation about what is it that makes us lose our excitement for life? How does stuff impact us as life unfolds and it's not what we thought? What does it mean to be dangerous? And what does that add to life? Because playing it safe isn't always a great thing. And it's not talking about major risks, it's just talking about a different perspective. But it is one of those things that I keep seeing all the time. I've seen it in my history of life too and in our relationship at times when we've just kind of played it cool and slow and safe.

Pam Allan: Ho hum, maybe?

Corey Allan: Lo and behold, we wind up bored.

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: But when we go, "You know what? Hey, let's do this. What about that?" And it's a little bit out of the box. It adds a flavor and an energy to life that there's few other places to find it like that.

Pam Allan: I think flavor is a perfect word for that. Right? Because I'll always talk about food. I love food. And you just don't want the bland, right? Where do the stories come from? It's when you have that spicy thing or that really sweet thing or that really weird thing that you just didn't know what it was.

Corey Allan: And you had to try it out. And maybe it was great, maybe it wasn't, but you tried it out and you got a story.

Pam Allan: What was that mystery meat?

Corey Allan: Exactly. And then on the extended version of today's Sexy Marriage Radio, which is deeper, longer, and there are no ads, you can subscribe at SMRnation.com/SMRacademy, I continue the conversation with Tripp, but we turn personal. And I'm asking him some questions of how has what he does for a living and how he's evolved to where he is and this perspective he's got, how has it impacted his life and his marriage? And he's really personal on how he goes about sharing his story and where they are. And I love every minute of it. He's married to a therapist too, so he can walk in your shoes and know what it's like. So all that's coming up on today's show.
So joining me today for Sexy Marriage Radio, it's an honor, and I hope the SMR Nation understands this kind of honor too, but for me as someone that listens to a lot of different podcasts, follows a lot of other people that are in the world of helping people frame conversations, challenge us to be better and not just settle, Tripp Lanier is the host of The New Man Podcast. And he also has a book out called This Book Will Make You Dangerous: The Irreverent Guide For Men Who Refuse To Settle. And so, Tripp, you may not think that it's all a cool deal to be on Sexy Marriage Radio, but it is cool to be talking to you.

Tripp Lanier: I think it's a cool deal. What are you talking about, man?

Corey Allan: All right, well, I appreciate that.

Tripp Lanier: Thank you very much.

Corey Allan: And so, Tripp, you work with a lot of men. And I'm assuming also there's some crossover just because we are not the only species on the planet as far as our kind and our gender. So I would love to just hear in a conversation with you, what are some of the things that you keep coming across over and over that just keep tripping us men up when it comes to living real vibrant, engaged lives, I guess you could say?

Tripp Lanier: Yeah, it's a big question. We can spend the entire day talking about that. But I would say, first and foremost, the types of men that come to me are the ones that are like, "You know, I've done pretty well for myself. If you were to look at my life from the outside, it looks really good. I check a lot of the boxes in terms of income or job or family or the car or the house or those types of things. But there's this nagging sense that something's off. Something's not quite right." They thought things are going to be a bit different when they got to this place and they can't quite figure out why they feel a little trapped or drained, or maybe even if they got lots of people in their life, they still feel isolated. Or maybe it's just a common kind of a thread of being bored or overwhelmed in whatever they're doing.
And so there's this sense of is this really it? Is this really what I've signed up for? Or is there another level that I could reach in my life where I could have something to give, where there's some more meaning? The flip side is that I also get to feel more free, more alive, more connected, more at peace with who I am and what I'm bringing to the world.

Corey Allan: Yeah. And I love that because that's almost building off of Viktor Frankl's work, right? On the idea of man's, he came along and said that Freud was wrong, it's not just pleasure or pain, that we're looking for meaning. We're looking for something bigger than ourselves. And I think that that really is hardwired in the male DNA, right? That's why we go out and conquer or go out and create. I mean, and I'm not being disparaging to the female because I think they've got it too. But since it's just us dudes talking about dudes for a moment, it seems fascinating to me that there is this thing of once I kind of have arrived, now what? Right?

Tripp Lanier: Yeah. Now what? Well, I think that that indicates two basic mindsets that we carry throughout life. And for the first part, it's mainly what I think is a survival mindset, which might be confusing to some people because they're not scratching to get by on the street or whatever. But to a large degree, our version of modern survival is what do I do so that I'm not uncomfortable? What do I do so that I'm not putting my time and energy and money at risk? What do I do so that I don't look like a moron or my friends and family or the people in my community don't cast me out?
For the most part, that describes how most of us are going day to day is in that version of surviving, just getting by. I don't want to be uncomfortable today, I don't want to put anything at risk, I don't want to have anybody criticize me or reject me. That can occupy a large part of our time and energy. Whereas when we start to shift into a bigger, more inclusive or more expansive mindset, we start to ask questions like, what am I really here to give? What's trying to live through me and as me? And that's going to steer us right into the things that might feel a little uncomfortable. In my field, a little risky. People might look at us a little weird because we're no longer just kind of following the herd.

Corey Allan: Right. I mean, and I guess that's where you can come to the whole definition that you've got with the title of the book of it's dangerous. Right?

Tripp Lanier: It feels dangerous, right? Oh, I might be uncomfortable. I might have to put some effort into this. I don't know. I don't think I'm going to get up and go for a workout this morning. That might be uncomfortable. That's a little dangerous. I'm not going to do that. I mean, success has made us really fragile and weak in a lot of ways.

Corey Allan: It really has.

Tripp Lanier: I'm not going to put much of my time or my energy at risk or my money at risk. I'm not going to invest in myself or invest in this possible, this idea that I've had for years. I'm scared to lose that money. We're always looking at what we might lose. Or what if somebody were to think less of me? What would happen if my friends were to know that I really wanted to do X, Y, Z in my life? Or my wife really wanted to do ABC in the bedroom? Those types of things are dangerous to us these days in our cushy modern lifestyle.

Corey Allan: Totally. And then what I'm seeing as the direct result of that is, man, that's going to play out at home. That's going to play out in relationships. That's going to play out in parenting. And it's for sure going to play out in the bedroom. But it definitely, those two are all interwoven, right?

Tripp Lanier: Absolutely. I mean, guys hire me, "Hey, I want to do this thing, X, Y, Z, in my business. I want to transition from A to B. I want to go do these amazing things out in the world." And about two months in, it's like, "Hey man, can I ask you a question about the thing that's going on with my wife?" It's very, very common, that inability to penetrate the world is also somehow showing up in how we show up in our relationship and our sexuality.

Corey Allan: We'll be back with more of our conversation right after this.
I'm not sure if this is a confession or not, but to everybody out in the SMR Nation, you and I, Pam, are not huge live TV watchers.

Pam Allan: Right, yeah, no. When we watch, we want to be able to pick whatever it is we're watching.

Corey Allan: Right. So while there's a world of entertainment options out there, and by that I mean there's a lot of compelling shows to choose from. But perhaps you didn't know this, Pam, there's also a lot of international shows that we may be missing out on.

Pam Allan: I love international.

Corey Allan: So it's time to burst the domestic TV bubble and check out Acorn TV, which is the sponsor for today's episode.

Pam Allan: Sweet.

Corey Allan: So British accents, they're pretty charming, they're pretty cool.

Pam Allan: Love them.

Corey Allan: But I also love the mystery, drama, and comedy woven into the fabric of British entertainment because it's really like nowhere else on the planet. Well, Acorn TV is a commercial free streaming service that's rooted in British television. It's home to sophisticated and artful storytelling with top rated mysteries, dramas, and heartfelt comedies, and so much more. And unlike other British TV services, Acorn TV has content from Ireland, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and beyond. Perhaps you're one of the millions that fell in love with Downton Abbey. So if you are, you're a fan of quirky British comedy, then they have one out there called The Other One, which is actually a story of two sisters from very different worlds that had no idea that the other existed until their father died. Dun, dun, dun. There's lots of shows to pick from as well, with new ones added every week. So I always can find something new to watch on Acorn TV because it's loaded with thousands of hours of binge-worthy content. And you and I have been known to binge some things occasionally.

Pam Allan: Yes, we have.

Corey Allan: And you can stream all of this on your favorite device for just $5.99 a month. So take advantage of this offer and escape to Britain and beyond without leaving the comfort of your seat. Try Acorn TV for free for 30 days by going to acorn.tv and use our promo code, SMR. That's acorn.tv with the code SMR. And you get your first 30 days for free.
We want to thank our sponsor for today's episode of Sexy Marriage Radio, which is HelloFresh. And we also want to thank HelloFresh because they've been a part of our family for many, many months now. And they have taken a lot of the burden off of what can be conflictual when it comes to the way mealtime unfolds in the Allan home.

Pam Allan: That's exactly right, I love them.

Corey Allan: Because I don't know if you guys are like us, but typically it falls on one person's shoulders to kind of lead the charge in this. Sometimes that doesn't always line up with mealtime with the other person that you're married to, right? They have a little more adventure in mind.

Pam Allan: Pam.

Corey Allan: They have a little more variety in mind.

Pam Allan: Pam.

Corey Allan: They have a little more nutritional factors in mind.

Pam Allan: Pam.

Corey Allan: They have a little more locally grown farm organic in mind.

Pam Allan: Pam.

Corey Allan: Yep. Those are all Pam. And so if I'm the one that's in charge, sometimes that doesn't always happen. But HelloFresh has made it easy for our family because what happens is every week, the meals we choose show up at our door. HelloFresh can cut out the stressful meal planning and grocery store trips because everything can be done in just around 30 minutes, sometimes even 20, when it comes to start to finish to get a meal ready to go because they provide everything that you're going to need, all the ingredients in the right size. So no more wasting foods, which is a great bonus.

Pam Allan: Yeah.

Corey Allan: HelloFresh is also flexible and it'll fit your lifestyle. You can easily change your delivery days or food preferences. And with the way our weeks have been going the last several months, we've had to skip some weeks here and there. And that is a simple and painless process. And then we just pick right back up when we're ready to go again. So feeding the family has never been easier. And we want to extend the offer to you. Go to hellofresh.com/SMR90. And if you've been listening any length of time, this is a different code. So it's hellofresh.com/SMR90. Use the code SMR90 and you get $90 off, including free shipping. Once again, that's go to hellofresh.com/SMR90. Use our code SMR90, and you get $90 off, including free shipping. Maybe HelloFresh can take the stress out of mealtimes for your family too.
That's what's so funny to me because this kind of the thread I've had with some of the different ... I run mastermind groups with men that are husbands just looking, I didn't realize the art of husbandry actually is a farming term. But it's really trying to be better husbands because all of us as men, our go-to a lot of times, too often, is well, what do you do? And then we're pigeonholed. And I'm constantly just labeled rather than no, that's the only thing you can't talk about in these groups is what you do for a living. This is about all the other aspects of our life.
But the thread that I keep coming across is yes, we have this DNA in us to go out and conquer and protect and kind of just expand the world, penetrate the world. But yet, I can come home and be scared to death of my wife. Of saying something that's going to disappoint her or showing her a side of me that she might freak out at or be disappointed or judge. And it seems so fascinating that I see a lot of guys that they can steer it all towards the career, and then the home life is a wreck.

Tripp Lanier: Right.

Corey Allan: Or they just focus too much on the home that they constantly are stuck in middle management, lower job, just because ... And it's like they're just itching for something.

Tripp Lanier: Right.

Corey Allan: So what I'm hearing you say pretty much is we got to just figure out one of these areas to attack because it'll actually spill over into the others.

Tripp Lanier: Yeah. And in the book, I talk about how to just kind of bring it back to these three basic ideas. What am I afraid of? Well, I'm afraid to be uncomfortable. I'm afraid to put something at risk. I'm afraid to be seen or judged in a certain way. And then we can start to pick it apart. Is there really a monster under the bed? Would it be so bad? Right? If I were to put this out there. If we stopped the finger pointing and the complaining and the blaming and actually got back into a really powerful question, which is what do I want? What do I want for myself professionally? What do I want for myself sexually? Instead of how do I make sure I don't rock the boat? How do I make sure I don't upset my partner?
So essentially, many of us are treating our wives as a pseudo-proxy for our mothers. We treat our wives as an authority figure. And we come to them for permission. Is it okay if I do ABC? Is it okay? Oh, she'll never let me do that. And then we hide things from her, we don't tell her the truth, we don't see her as a partner, we don't see her as a peer. And then it's no wonder. It's like, that's going to kill our sex lives. Why would she want to have sex with her son, essentially? That becomes the dynamic in there when we act like little boys around our wives.

Corey Allan: Yeah. Because I'm just hearing that also, that that kills not only just any kind of erotic or drive, that kills trust. That it's this authority, power structure that you basically have given over authority to another person of your own life. I mean, so I believe in love, the theorist, Dr. David Schnarch. And he has a phrase in one of his books that a lot of times we've just handed over our penis to our wife and every so often we ask for it back so we can have sex. But other than that, we just give it right back to them and we just don't walk around with it securely attached to anymore.

Tripp Lanier: Right, right. Yeah. It's this scary kind of thing to really own our power. Right? And I think that power, to a large degree, is a zero sum game. It's either I have power and you have less, or I have more or you have more and I have ... Whatever that is. It goes either way. But it's not a, "Hey, when I have power, I can help expand your power."

Corey Allan: Right. Right. That's an abundance mindset, right? That there's plenty, that we all pull each other up when we claim the innate power that we all have.

Tripp Lanier: Exactly. And I think, again, it's part of this kind of survival mindset, which is, "I eat this, you don't. Or this is mine, this is yours." Instead of, "Hey, how can we co-create here without watering things down? Without minimizing? Hey, look, I'm a masculine person in this body and I have masculine desires and I'm attracted to you for these reasons and get over here. I want to tear off a piece of that." If that's the vibe. But we miss that fire, we miss that aliveness in there. And it just becomes like, "Hey, Is it okay? How about Friday at 4:00 before the kids get off the bus?" It's like, "Oh man."

Corey Allan: Right.

Tripp Lanier: Are you kidding me?

Corey Allan: Yeah. That then turns everything right into the to-do list world, which is anytime that kind of concept of romance is put on the to-do list, it immediately goes down a few rungs.

Tripp Lanier: Yeah. And sometimes you got to do it. I mean, you got a new baby in the house, you got to kind of make it around. I don't want to demonize a lot of this stuff, but I think it ultimately comes back to that question of what do we want? Right?

Corey Allan: Right.

Tripp Lanier: What am I doing to cultivate that? What am I doing to cultivate that?

Corey Allan: And so then the biggest question for that, Tripp, is what do you do with the people that are like, "I don't even know what I want?" Because we kind of have just painted by numbers our entire life.

Tripp Lanier: We have. Yeah. I think it's okay to just admit that. If you think about how we've been indoctrinated from an early time in our lives, which is here's what to do, here's what to think, here's what to say, here's how to act. And so we never develop this muscle of what I call inner authority, this sense of sovereignty. I'm a person, I have my own thoughts, my own desires, my own needs. We've been taught that that's dangerous. Where an act is wait a second, what if I could have that and I can also still be an upstanding human in this?

Corey Allan: Help people out, be a good neighbor and a good friend.

Tripp Lanier: Yeah, it could still work out. So I just say, "Look, you may not know what you want. You've just lost touch with it. So we're going to start with the most basic, basic, basic things and just say how do I want to move my body today? What food do I want to eat today?" These are decisions that seem really mundane. But most of the time, we're on autopilot. We just kind of do the same things. But they're also an opportunity to flex that muscle and say, "What am I hungry for? What am I in the mood for? What would have me feel more alive? What would have me feel more free? What would have me feel more expansive?" And just starting from those small places. And then before you know it, instead of somebody saying, "Hey, where do you want to eat?" And you're like, "Oh, I don't know. Wherever you want." You're like, "I know what I want."

Corey Allan: Right, right.

Tripp Lanier: I know exactly what I want. Let's go do ABC. And that's like, "Whoa, who's this guy?" All right. This feels good. It feels good to be around somebody who's grounded, centered, and knows what he wants.

Corey Allan: Right. And then the thing I love about that too is the flip side of that is that when you are that and you put it in a marital context and you speak up, say, "This is what I want." When you got a wife that's doing the same thing, she can go, "No, no, no, no, no. I don't want that. Let's do this instead." And now all of a sudden, you're both rising up because you're challenging each other. Right? You're expanding each other.

Tripp Lanier: It can be. I think this is one of the hardest things for us to understand, which is we can own what we want and we have to watch out for this attachment to getting it. This is a really tough, tough, tough, tough idea. Because most of the time, the reason why we're not in touch with what we want is because we're so used to not getting it that we've stopped asking ourselves what we want. We don't want to be disappointed. We don't want to be frustrated anymore. So it's just like, "I'm not even going to desire anything." And then life gets super flat.
If I don't desire anything, I can't be disappointed. If I don't want sex with my wife, then I can't be disappointed if it doesn't happen. And so more and more, we tend to lose sight of that. Whereas can I own my desire for ABC and really own it, but then also let go of that need to control or dominate or push or have my agenda and try to force that on other people? And that is an art. That's not an easy thing. But I think it helps to separate those two things that my desire can be one thing, and then the outcome can be another.

Corey Allan: Absolutely. And I love that concept just because I think it's starting to take charge of your own agency, your own direction, that to swim against the stream, to stand up, to speak up, to just say what's on your mind. And all of a sudden now you start influencing and impacting the world around you, which is the interesting way to me is we all kind of seem to want that. And we come through all these nice guy, manipulative covert ways to find it. But when I actually start standing up and inhabiting my own space, lo and behold, I start finding it. And what I was wanting. Right? Because I'm giving something that's worth responding to.

Tripp Lanier: Right, right. What does this look like? I think for some, this can just simply be there might be days where my wife's really busy with her schedule and sex is the last thing that's on her mind. But I might be in a different place and I'm admiring her in the kitchen. I'll just let her know. I say, "I'm feeling you. When you walk in the room, I'm feeling that. And I'm appreciating you." And she might be like, "Well, I can't do it or I can't ..." That's fine. Don't need you to.

Corey Allan: Exactly.

Tripp Lanier: But I'm still appreciating you. It's still a gift to have you walk in the room and to have me feel you in this way. I feel more alive and I'm appreciating that. So just to put that out there and then she can, "I don't know what's going on." Whatever her reaction might be. She doesn't have to take it on as a burden that she's got to fix or change anything. But I can simply be with that desire without it needing to actually make something happen.

Corey Allan: Yeah, no. And I love that because that's also how it plays out for me is the transition I used to make that all the different innuendos or statements I would make to Pam years and years ago, they were always attached to an outcome. Right? It was always A to B to C to D to into bed, whatever.

Tripp Lanier: I did the windows. I did the dishes.

Corey Allan: Let's not even go down the road of chore play. I hate that whole world. But even just the statements in that she would get into this, "All you ever think about is sex." All these kinds of statements. Until I started realizing no, no, no. The point is did I say it and was it genuine? Because when I'm doing that, that's living who I want to be. And then those times where, because what shifted it for me was when she, "All you ever think about is sex." I was able to look her square in the eye and say, "Yeah. And a lot of other things too. But that's on my mind right now, baby. And I'm not denying that fact." And just kind of letting that tension be there because that goes back into the comfort thing you're talking about. Right? If we want to go through life as comfortable as we can, meaning no tension, that's an impossibility in the world in which we live.

Tripp Lanier: Yeah, exactly. I like how you pointed that out there, which is I can simply be okay with us not being on the same page right now. And I'm not forcing anything, I'm not trying to manipulate her. I can let that go. I can let my attachment to her being a different way, it means that I'll be okay, letting that go. And to just be like, "Yeah, this is what I'm feeling in this moment." For a lot of my clients, I'll have them just simply own that stuff as they leave.

Corey Allan: Okay.

Tripp Lanier: And then she's like, "Where are you going?"

Corey Allan: I got you.

Tripp Lanier: And he's like, "I'm going out the door." But it's a practice for him to know I'm not going to get it, I'm not manipulating. I'm just leaving it alone. Or to put little post-it notes and hide little post-it notes places where she's going to catch that stuff. And so it's not in this moment of like, "Hey, we got five minutes. Can we sneak off in the bedroom?" And it feels like a burden.

Corey Allan: Yeah. Because I also love, this is part of what we've, if you've been a part of SMR Nation any length of time, you've heard this phrase before. But I really love the concept that married sex is a long game. Right? That the move or the statement or the innuendo or there's just a flat out statement, that could be setting up three days from now. That's fine. Right? It's a part of the dynamic. Because it's set for some reason, couples, we can forget that I do also means sex is going to be a part of this equation somehow, some way, some shape or form, right? Rather than no, no, no, I don't need to be ashamed of this aspect. This is what separates our relationship from every other relationship that I've gotten is this. So I'm not ashamed of that, I'm not going to deny that, I'm also not going to force it. But I am going to encompass it and live it out.

Tripp Lanier: And I think that's, on one hand, we're talking about one party in the equation.

Corey Allan: Totally.

Tripp Lanier: Right? And I think it's important to recognize, hey, I'm going to have my bumps in the road. I'm going to have my history. I'm going to have things that might be shameful for me. And then she's going to have hers. I can't take ownership of hers, but I can take ownership of mine and I can be compassionate about hers. Right? But I've noticed a lot of guys where they collapse. It's like, "Well, this is going on for her. So then I shut mine down. Mine goes in the cooler and it doesn't happen. And then everything just kind of dies." And they're where they feel like victims because they feel powerless to do anything. And so I always find it just helpful to say, "Let's help you remember that you are a sexual being and remember that you have your sexual desires and that you're playing this long game." But ultimately come back and say, "Hey, this is mine. And then that's her. And I can be a support for her. I can be an ally to her in that regard." But she doesn't have to be the thing that gums up the gears for everything.

Corey Allan: Absolutely. I mean, because that's again, this goes back to the whole conversation we're having of it's just me. I mean, to quote, I can't even remember what commercial this is for, but just to quote one of the commercials, it's staying in my lane, right? It's just dealing with what's my responsibility and letting them have the respect and the courtesy to deal with theirs. And then I think that's where marriage gets really good. That's where life gets really good. Where I'm just handling what I'm responsible for and I'm compassionate and-

Tripp Lanier: There's two messages in there. Yeah. I'm sorry. There's two messages in there which is you matter to me, I care about you. Right? And then the other one, which is you get to be you and I get to be me. That's not true in a lot of marriages.

Corey Allan: You're not lying.

Tripp Lanier: It's usually you matter to me when I want something. And I don't get to be me and you don't really get to be you because we're so committed to comfort and avoiding risk and avoiding any kind of rejection that I need you to stay in a box and then I'll stay in a box. And then that's where we all go to die.

Corey Allan: Well, that's a great Hallmark card you just painted right there, Tripp.

Tripp Lanier: Happy anniversary.

Corey Allan: Yeah. So I do want to pivot the conversation here in just a minute, but for the people that are only in for this first part of the conversation, I'd love for them to be able to ... How can they find you and get a little bit more of what you offer and just the take you've got on stuff?

Tripp Lanier: You mentioned The New Man Podcast. I've been doing that for well over a decade. So anywhere you get your podcasts, you can check out The New Man Podcast. And then the book, This Book Will Make You Dangerous, is available on Amazon and at dangerousbookstore.com.

Corey Allan: Perfect. Well, Tripp, thanks so much for the conversation we've had thus far. And I looking forward to shifting gears just a little bit as we keep going. All right?

Tripp Lanier: Sounds good.

Corey Allan: So as we wrap this episode up, babe, I think I have to ask the question right off the bat. What is it about the name Tripp Lanier that you just love?

Pam Allan: Just sounds like a name from a book, right? I just hear him is some sort of investigator from a book.

Corey Allan: Oh, I like that.

Pam Allan: Right? Like he's in a series and he's got his own little intrigue.

Corey Allan: Yeah. And he is one that was fun to talk to, fun to finally meet. Because I love the fact that he's just real, he's raw, he's colorful. So for those of you that are careful about what you're listening to, you need to be aware that he's colorful with his verbiage. Not over the top, but it's just out there. You need to know that ahead of time. But I love it when people have really good perspectives of life and it's just off enough of what we do that it just aligns. That we're all heading the same way because that's what we all want. It's just vibrant, alive lives, which then in turn makes vibrant, alive marriages.

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: And that's what we're all here for. Well, this has been Sexy Marriage Radio. If we left something undone or you got questions, you know what to do. (214)-702-9565 or feedback@sexymarriageradio.com. So wherever you are and however you chose to listen today, we thank you so much for tuning in each and every week. And we'll see you again next time.

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