On the Regular version of today’s show …
We are excited to announce a brand new resource aimed to help make your marriage fun and sexy … Intimately Us
You can find the App in the App Stores for both Apple and Android, or read more about it here https://intimately.us/
Today we talk with the man who helped us create this app, Dan Purcell. Learn more about Dan at https://getyourmarriageon.com/
On the Xtended version …
Pam and I have a conversation about the importance of novelty in marriage – and some ways you can add novelty that you may not think about.
Enjoy the show!
Intimately Us: The fun and flirty app for married couples that want to spice up their sex life and deepen their intimate connection. Find it in any App Store or at https://intimately.us/
Announcer: You are listening to the regular version of Sexy Marriage Radio, smrnation.com. You've turned on Sexy Marriage Radio, where the best sex happens in the marriage bed. Here's your host, Dr. Corey Allen.
Corey Allan: Welcome back to another episode of Sexy Marriage Radio, where I am really excited about today's episode.
Pam Allan: I am too.
Corey Allan: Because we are rolling out a brand new resource ... That is so worth it.
Pam Allan: Oh, I'm just excited because I get to be part of the interview.
Corey Allan: Well, that is true. That is true. Because a lot of times when anybody else joins the show, it's just me.
Pam Allan: Right.
Corey Allan: And then you help with the open and close. And this time you were a part all the way through, baby.
Pam Allan: Anyway, it's not about me.
Corey Allan: Well, this is Sexy Marriage Radio, and we've got some good things coming today about a resource that we really do believe will help you in your relationship. But that's coming up in just a minute.
What we're saying right now is, welcome to Sexy Marriage Radio and to the SMR Nation, who regularly takes time out of their week each and every week to spend just a little bit of time with us. Unless they're the bingers.
Pam Allan: Who are spending hours and hours.
Corey Allan: There are some emails that still keep coming in about, I just found you and it's already 10 episodes in and I found you yesterday.
Pam Allan: Right, we just read one this morning.
Corey Allan: So excited when you find us and you see some benefit from what we've got going on here at SMR Nation. And the way we can let you help us is you jump on iTunes or Spotify or iHeartRadio, however you listen, and rate and review, leave the comments that help spread the word.
And also, if you've got something we've not yet covered or there's something that's undone, still rattling around, needing a little assistance, or you got a question and you just don't know where to ask it, we'll answer it. (214) 702-9565 is our voicemail line. That's how you can get ahold of us, and that gets you to the front of the line.
Or firstname.lastname@example.org, because we still get a lot of emails that come in regularly about, here's my situation. And that helps us set the stage and answer what's going on that will help you.
Because one thing we have found that is absolutely true in the eight and a half years of doing this show, if you're struggling with something, you are not alone in that struggle.
Pam Allan: Oh, that is the truth. That is the truth.
Corey Allan: There are people that are facing issues just like yours.
Pam Allan: And they're so thankful that the question came up and it's like, ah, they're reading my mind. I needed to hear this today.
Corey Allan: Totally. So coming up on today's regular free version of Sexy Marriage Radio is a conversation that we had with a friend and business partner, Dan Purcell, because we have rolled out a brand new app called Intimately Us. And it is an app designed for married couples to add some fun and some vibrancy and some sexiness to your marriage.
Pam Allan: And you guys have made it really fun. And this is coming from the spouse, the low desire wife. You really have made it fun and enjoyable to you.
Corey Allan: And that's what we've tried to do because that's the one thing that has always seemed to be paramount, is the fact that it's two higher desire men creating this resource. But we've been very intentional and strategic to try to make it to where it's aimed at the higher desire, because there are going to be the ones searching it out most likely, but it's not going to scare away the lower desire because of the customizable nuances and features built into this thing.
And so this is a conversation with you interviewing Dan and I about this whole process and how it came to be. And so if you want to find this app, head your app store, Google play whichever way, Intimately Us. Or go to intimately.us, as in us.
And coming up on the extended version, which is deeper, longer, and there are no ads, you and I are going to continue a conversation along the same lines, but about the importance of having novelty in a marriage and in a relationship.
Pam Allan: That is important.
Corey Allan: Because there's some research that's out there that bears out what the benefit is. And so we're going to unpack that and then also discuss ways you can create novelty in your relationship, and it may not be what you think. All that's coming up on today's show.
Well, joining us today ... And it's kind of fun, Pam, because it's joining us. We have a guest, and you're here with me this time.
Pam Allan: Yeah. This is my first time to be on one of the interviews.
Corey Allan: So this is fantastic. But joining us today for Sexy Marriage Radio is a friend, a colleague, a fellow marriage enthusiast, and a fellow handsome guy, Dan Purcell. And we are excited because we get a chance to introduce the SMR Nation, and then consequently, the world, to a brand new app that we've developed called Intimately Us. And so Dan is going to help fill in some holes along with me, because he's been-
Pam Allan: He's the spearhead.
Corey Allan: Absolutely, he is. And it's exciting to have him on the show. So Dan, welcome to the show today.
Dan Purcell: Thank you. Happy to be here.
Pam Allan: So I'm going to kind of walk through this scenario. The two of you, how did the two of you meet? Dan, you're a techie guy and I know you've helped us in many arenas here, but how'd the two of you meet?
Dan Purcell: Sounds good. We just met, partially, because we're both passionate about strengthening marriages. I've ... Big fan of Sexy Marriage Radio, I listened to your podcast for years. And just had some opportunities to work with Corey on a few technical things. And one thing led to another, and we've partnered on building an app called Intimately Us.
Pam Allan: Okay. And we're excited about that.
Corey Allan: Dan's also the one that is the spearhead of how the Academy and the RSS feed, the private feed came to be, and the website, smrnation.com. His company and he we're huge in making all this thing come to light. So I could not be where I am in some parts without him. And now it's so exciting to partner and see where we're going to go even further.
Pam Allan: Right. And you and your wife, Emily, have Get Your Marriage On and a lot of other things, we'll kind of go through some of that as we're talking. But what made you guys have the idea for the app?
Dan Purcell: A great question. I think there's a big need for couples to have a resource that can trust that will help spice things up in the bedroom a bit without the yuck with it. I think apps are great because they're interactive. You can customize things. You can modify things. You can plan with the lights off if you want to, or with the lights on. You can take it with you on the road, if that's what you want to do.
It's a great way to make ... A well done app can bring a lot of excitement and fun to the bedroom. Also, it's private enough that you can learn and research topics that pertain to you and your marriage with privacy and in comfort. And we're on our phones all the time. They're a primary way we communicate, even with our spouse.
So if you can use an app that enhances the communication with your spouse, even when you're apart, I think there's a lot of benefits that come from using the app as a platform to help enhance your relationship ... As a tool.
Corey Allan: And I think this is one of those things that we're talking about, trying to stay up with technology and be a part of the whole dynamic that goes on to help marriage be better. Because in some ways we moved beyond just books to get enhancement, right? And so there's shows like Sexy Marriage Radio, and then there's apps like this one, Intimately Us. And then there's some other ones that are out there as well. But all are aimed at really enhancing marriage.
And then the thing I love about this one with Intimately Us is it is really aimed at staying in the lane of enhancing your sex life and the novelty that can be there. The eroticism that can be there. The intimacy that can be there. Because there's a lot of different terminology in here that really does help. So it's not just, how do you have more sex, with this app? It's how do you actually connect deeper in all aspects of your marriage with this app?
Pam Allan: Right. So Dan, there's kind of a history that you have with this. And I'd love for you to walk through kind of three ... It's not three steps, but three integral parts that you believe are real important for a strong marriage and sexual relationship. I'd love for you to kind of hash those out for us.
Dan Purcell: Okay. Yeah, sure. I think as a backdrop to that, a little bit of my experience. I've been married for 16 years. My wife and I had six children and our home life is really busy, but we love it.
Pam Allan: Yeah. Six kids, yeah.
Dan Purcell: And we both come from really good families and I'd say we've had a great marriage. And a few years ago I had a conversation with a friend that made me realize my sex life probably wasn't as good as it could be. And that conversation made me uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable that I was uncomfortable about the topic of sex, if that makes sense.
And it made me kind of really introspective, like there's probably a lot more about sex than I realized. So thankfully my wife was on board and we kind of took this journey together. In one year, we read like 12 sex books and marriage books together. We discovered all these amazing podcasts and like binge listened to tons of episodes together. We'd devour complete blogs in an evening, and just, we were like ... We totally nerded out on this topic.
But we really wanted to ... It's like we discovered this whole new world for ourselves. And our marriage just took off. Like all of our little differences that we had kind of melted into the background. The sky is bluer, the grass is greener, the kids get along better. And we totally have like lovey dovey for each other all over again, like those annoying high school couples.
It was like that all over again, over 10 years into our marriage. And we're like, holy cow, this is great. And just our connection and our communication improved, just in every category. And if something that good ... If working on our sex life can do so much good for our marriage, surely we need to get this information out to more people. I have a tech background, so I kind of fell back on the only thing I really know. And so developing apps is something I know how to do.
So in planning for and working on this app, did a lot of research. I talked with a lot of couples, asked them, so what's the number one thing that stands in the way of your sex life or intimate life? And they would open up and tell me, and it really comes down to a few things that I think the app addresses.
The first is, if you want to spice up and have a greater sex life, you first improve your emotional connection with your spouse. And that could be through dating regularly, having better conversations, just being more in tune with each other. And as you do that, you grow closer together, and naturally your sex will improve.
The second thing is learning how to talk about it. And that was a tricky point in my experience. It's really vulnerable, maybe for me, maybe for a lot of guys, to really open up and talk about what you like and don't like. What your hopes are and what you hope to get out of sex. And kind of what your dreams are and what you hope, what you want. And at first those conversations with my wife and I were really difficult, but I guess we got better and better at it.
And this app that we made has tons of conversations, starters, and is the foundation to start that conversation. Just like how Sexy Marriage Radio, I think, is great at helping couples have a conversation about a certain topic, whatever. We really like that idea and that philosophy, so I think that's an important aspect.
I think the third aspect, which is also something I learned from Sexy Marriage Radio too, is you can't spice it up and stay in your comfort zone at the same time. Those things are incompatible. You do need to venture a little bit out of your comfort zone, because that's part of sexuality or sex, is two people coming together to really know each other.
And for part of that, you can't keep showing the side that you want to be seen. You need to be able to show all of you and accept the other person and know them for all that they are too. So the app has tons of ideas to add a little more variety and fun, so you have more vitality in your marriage.
Corey Allan: Vitality is a great word. And I've got to add, one of the big components that I love about this app is we've been very strategic in, it's really good, straightforward information without the raunchy crass border on pornography. Or just some of that crosstalk icky, yucky parts that can happen. Because that's the one thing we have found in doing this show together, babe, is people come to this because it's honest information that's straightforward.
And that's what this app is, what we've kind of translated into. You're going to get great information, but yet you can trust it's not going to lead you into an area that's like, oh, now I feel icky.
Pam Allan: Yeah. And it even goes down to being able to be customizable. I think that's one of the things I like about it. You can customize the app to use the words that you as a couple use for things. So it's not going to go over the top, but maybe it adds in that funness of, hey, here's the word that only the two of us know that we use for certain words.
Corey Allan: The code words, yes.
Pam Allan: Code words.
Dan Purcell: Yes, exactly. Code words.
Pam Allan: So you've hinted on this a little bit, Corey, but both of you, I'm curious, what is the best part of Intimately Us for each of you?
Corey Allan: Well, I think you just touched on it, is that it's customizable to hit the comfort level of the couple. Because this is the one thing that if you talk about ... Dan's been talking about his background, that he's the techie. And the conversations we have ... It's so fascinating to have a business partner, in a sense, that as we're talking about stuff, I know it's all fallen on his shoulders to make it actually happen in the code world. Because it's like, that is not my wheelhouse.
But what we want to try to do with this and where I've tried to be very strategic is, this is aimed at helping the higher desire without scaring off the lower desire.
Dan Purcell: Right.
Pam Allan: And I think it does a good job of doing that.
Corey Allan: And so I think when you can customize it to where, no, no, I want this terminology used, or I want to be able to not have this subject come up in the game, or some of those different components that make it to where, okay, we can still dangle our feet in the water. And that's just a little bit uncomfortable, but it's enough to kind of get it started.
And then the hope would be ... As Dan's talking about he and Emily's experience, and then our experience has been, once you start dangling your feet, you start to realize there's actually some fun in this discomfort. And this is actually opening up a whole other arena, and the grass does get greener and the sky is bluer. And this app will make all of that for everybody, right?
Pam Allan: Right. And there's an app for that. Dan, so reiterating the question, for you, what do you think is the best part of it? Like, what do you and Emily like the most from Intimately Us?
Dan Purcell: There's a lot. There's definitely the bedroom games, which is great for after date night. You come back and you want to end the date night with some fireworks and you want to make it playful and fun. There's a part in the app called the Sexploration List. And that's where each person goes through and answers a bunch of questions regarding what they want to try or do, or some attitudes they have about sex.
And then your spouse answers the same questions on their phone. And then it tells you where you have both overlap. And that kind of gives you a starting point for a conversation or ideas to explore topics that you may have not done together, or some activities that you can try. So I like the exploration part. And there's over 200 topics in the Sexploration List section alone.
We like the Date Ideas section. Friday night or Saturday night might roll around and we need to do something, but we want to give variety to our date nights too. There's a part that I think is important, especially for the lower desire spouse ... Or to help the higher desire spouse help the lower desire spouse, is there's a Daily Intimacy Challenge. And most of them are, I guess you could say, out of the bedroom stuff.
But there's over 200 ideas and it will suggest an idea for you every day of a challenge you can do to help build that relationship. And it might be something as simple as, leave a little note and hide it somewhere for your spouse to find. Or write a message on the bananas or on the eggs in the fridge, or ...
Pam Allan: Well, one that came up was clean their computer screen for them. Just something that's a little thoughtful, nice thing to do.
Dan Purcell: Exactly. And it takes into account the five love languages, so there's a variety there. But I think the point is you don't need great, huge overtures to strengthen your marriage.
Corey Allan: Exactly.
Dan Purcell: It happens on a daily basis in small and little things consistently done, and the app encourages couples to do that. And if you do those things, even out of the bedroom, things in the bedroom are really going to take off.
Pam Allan: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Corey Allan: Right. Because that's building off that connection that we're talking about, that the more you can keep that undercurrent going, the easier it is to transition.
Pam Allan: Right. Right. So what do you guys say is the biggest thing that makes Intimately Us different from other marriage or relationship apps?
Corey Allan: I'm going to go with the fact that there's a lot of intuitiveness in this. That you can steer it and tailor it, which makes it ... It's not just a, here you go. It's like the board game where you just play the same way every single time. That this is ... The game within the app allows you to customize it and avoid some things if you want to, or put a timer on it so you don't have to mess with changing into the next question.
But it allows ... I mean, I love the idea that it truly can be tailored to wherever a couple is and help push them to the next stage. Like if you're at a two, how do you get to a three? But if you're at a five, how do you get to a six? And so it's just all the way across the board is the intuitive side of it.
And then the second side of it that I really loved, that sets this apart, is in the Learn section, we've put together a pretty good concierge service of great quality information. It's not written by us, it's just stuff that we found and collated and put together by topic to allow the people that ... Okay, I really want to explore this, and I want to educate myself on it.
Because there are a lot of us out here. I mean, Dan, you and Emily are talking about your journey has been this, that I want to read about this before I try it. So that part [crosstalk 00:20:35].
Dan Purcell: And I need a source I can trust.
Pam Allan: Right, exactly.
Corey Allan: Right. And the information there is all vetted and it's coming from trustworthy sources.
Pam Allan: Right. Right.
Dan Purcell: I like that this app ... So as an app developer, you download a bunch of other apps out there and evaluate them before jumping into creating your own. So much out there is crass and raunchy. There's a lot out there that's focused just on sex as just the physical act alone. And some of it is even, I guess, even harmful to a marriage. If it's prompting you to do things that would make your spouse uncomfortable, it doesn't honor that concept of consent in marriage very strongly.
So I think what makes this different is it focuses on ... It's really good at the sexual component, yes. But it encompasses intimacy as a whole in the marriage really well.
Pam Allan: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Nice. So I'm excited about what the future holds with this and how our listeners and those across the world can enhance the relationship through this. Excited that the two of you guys found each other, right? Everybody's put together such great skills.
Corey Allan: Yeah. It's been a great collaboration. But before we wrap this up and land this whole thing, babe-
Pam Allan: Oh, sorry.
Corey Allan: ... I want to ... Because this is the struggle we've had, Dan and I, is we've had countless conversations about this app and trying to steer it and tailor it. And then one of the things that's a glaring deal, as far as a dynamic, is it's two higher desire dudes that have put this thing together. Which makes sense, because that's the people that ... That's why Sexy Marriage Radio exists. That's why Get Your Marriage On exists. And that's why, ultimately, Intimately Us now exists.
So now that you have had a chance to go through this and even lead us through this dialogue, I want to put you on the spot, Pam, as the lower desire woman, and to be the voice of every lower desire out there. How does this impact you? What rings out to you that you love most?
Pam Allan: Well, I like that it's an easy way, and it's not a kind of in your face way to connect with you. And you can even start off as simple ... I think the simplest thing on here is Battlestrip. Anybody who played Battleship growing up, and you love that, there's a Battlestrip game on here. I still love playing that game. But this is a fun dynamic on here. And that's just a simple way, an easy way that is not out of my comfort zone to get into an app.
I'm not super techie. I'd rather have a hard copy book than a Kindle, or something like that. So I'm more hands on, I'm not super techie. And so getting into an app like this ... Just an easy way to jump in and figure out how to maneuver it. And so that's a fun way to do it. I love being able to go in and put my words on things and know that I can say, yes, I want this topic on here. No, I don't want this topic on here. And knowing that, oh, that might be something in the future, but for now, I'm just going to go with these topics that I'm comfortable with.
Corey Allan: That's good. That's good. And then I'm going to add to it, because one of the things I've heard from someone else that has gone through this is they love the colorfulness and the vibrancy of the app. That it's not just one of those boring ... Huh, okay. That this thing makes it ... Just the whole way it's designed.
And Dan, I got to give you and your team props on this, because putting it together, it's something that pops. And I think that's what we want to have happen in marriage, is we want this aspect and our intimacy to pop in our lives, right? Because that's what makes the depth of life all the more sweeter.
Pam Allan: Yeah.
Corey Allan: Well, Dan, this has been fun. And I'm looking forward to where this all goes together, because this has been a fun collaboration, and we're only just getting started.
Dan Purcell: Right.
Corey Allan: So I think ... To tell everybody with the SMR Nation, intimately.us is where you can find a website about it. But then also, it's in the app store for Apple and Android, there's available for versions. Download it now. A majority of the app is free, but then there are also some of the saucier, spicier areas, that's a paid version to get a little bit further into the game and some of the content that's available.
But you can still start right away, get your feet wet and see what happens. And see what else gets wet. How about that one for a statement right now? Well, Dan, any last parting statements before we sign off today?
Dan Purcell: I think giving your marriage priority and especially ... Anything you can do to bring you and your spouse closer together. Whether that's just flirting more, serving each other better, working on yourself to become a better person, yourself.
Any little thing you do that brings you closer to one another, is well worth the investment. It'll give you more return on your happiness than anything else, I think. So definitely download this app, Intimately Us, and make it part of your overall tool arsenal to strengthen your marriage.
Corey Allan: That's great. And Dan, we'd be remiss without at least giving a shout out to letting people find you. So tell them where they find you. Because they know me and Pam if they're listening to the show already, but how do they find you? And I'll put this in the show notes as well.
Dan Purcell: Oh great. Yeah. I'm on Instagram at getyourmarriageon, and my website is intimately.us and getyourmarriageon.com.
Corey Allan: Perfect. Well, Dan, thanks so much for the work that you're doing to help marriages. And adding a techie geeky side to it is all the more exciting, because that's such a unique skillset to bring to help people, because that's where we are. And this truly is something that I think is going to impact a lot of people and I'm happy to be a part of this with you. So thanks so much, man.
Dan Purcell: Yeah, thank you.
Corey Allan: I am really excited to see where this whole next step in this partnership with Dan and an app and ... Just everything that's been going on with SMR lately. I'm just really excited to see where this is going to go.
Pam Allan: Yeah, me too. Me too.
Corey Allan: It feels like we're kind of on the cusp of something ... Like another level, almost.
Pam Allan: It's novel. Look at this.
Corey Allan: There it is. Now I'm excited. [crosstalk 00:28:02].
Pam Allan: The other aspects of our life.
Corey Allan: I hope the SMR Nation just stood up and applauded.
Pam Allan: Right.
Corey Allan: This has been Sexy Marriage Radio. If we left something undone, we want to know. Or if you've got a question that's rolling around from our conversations today, (214) 702-9565, or email@example.com. Wherever you are, whatever you've been doing, thanks again for spending a little bit of time with us. And jump on the app store of your choice and find Intimately Us, and keep joining us. We'll see you next time.
Get access to your free marriage library and the SMR Community.
The SMR Community is full of value, void of hype, tailored to your interests whenever possible, never pushy, and always free.
Plus, get several custom eBooks that will help you and your spouse create a better marriage.