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hosted by Dr. Corey Allan

Marriage in the Time of Quarantine #460

On the Regular version of today’s show …

With almost a fifth of the world’s population in quarantine or distancing for the next couple of weeks, how do you navigate married life better?

On the Xtended version …

An email from a husband who’s frustrated with our response to another husband about his sex life and desire for more novelty and eroticism. 

Enjoy the show!

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Corey Allan:
Welcome back to another episode of Sexy Marriage Radio, where we're having straightforward, honest conversations about what goes on in married life and sex and love and relationships and families. And this time, today with what's going on in the states and possibly wherever you might be-

Pam Allan:
All over the world right now. Yeah.

Corey Allan:
In this world. But we're talking about what's going on in the state of quarantine.

Pam Allan:
Right.

Corey Allan:
And in the state of social distancing and isolation.

Pam Allan:
And shelter in place.

Corey Allan:
Shelter in place.

Pam Allan:
All the different words.

Corey Allan:
All the different terminologies that are basically saying stay away from each other. But we don't want you to stay away from your spouse, unless of course they're sick.

Pam Allan:
Sure.

Corey Allan:
But we do want you to recognize what's going on in the world, and so we're going to talk some about how this impacts married life, and specifically how it impacts marriage and sex and all the different stress. We got an email that came in on this subject. And as the world is changing, and this is a fluid situation that we've been talking about the last couple of weeks, we do have some information about the getaway that we are postponing. So the June 2020 getaway is being postponed. There will be more details coming out once we finalize what it looks like going forward.

Pam Allan:
Yep. We'll let you know as soon as we know.

Corey Allan:
It will happen again, we'll put it that way.

Pam Allan:
Yes, it will.

Corey Allan:
We will still have another getaway. We'll just adjust and shift how we're going to do this, and figure out the details and let you know once we know.

Pam Allan:
I think everybody's used to being flexible by now, so here we are.

Corey Allan:
So if you are already registered for the getaway this year, be looking for an email coming. As soon as we nail everything down, we'll send you all the details of here's what this looks like next.

Pam Allan:
Yeah.

Corey Allan:
And then we'll work with you to make this, make it fit.

Pam Allan:
Yep.

Corey Allan:
But welcome back to Sexy Marriage Radio.

Pam Allan:
Yeah.

Corey Allan:
And if you're new here, it's the SMR Nation. Welcome. Glad you found us. Hope you can take advantage of the time. There is plenty in the inbox, or the queue of your RSS feed, to be able to binge on, if you're in the middle of quarantine, binge some shows, man. You can get caught up.

Pam Allan:
Yeah. And then email us your questions.

Corey Allan:
Absolutely.

Pam Allan:
And join and talk to the folks on the academy that are really finding community within this time. We just had a call Monday night with a group. And it was so refreshing to me to see those faces and hear the voices.

Corey Allan:
Just be part of the virtual hangout afterwards.

Pam Allan:
Yes.

Corey Allan:
And just connect with people, see people.

Pam Allan:
Yeah, yeah.

Corey Allan:
Yep. And so if you are interested in Sexy Marriage Radio Nation and the academy, you can find more, smrnation.com/smracademy. And if you're part of the nation and you've got questions, and you're not sure where to ask them, we'll answer them. So you let us know at 214-702-9565, or feedback@sexymarriageradio.com. And then we also ask every episode, if you like what we've got going on, jump on iTunes, or Stitcher, or Spotify, or I Heart Radio, or however you listen, Google Play, and rate and review. Leave a comment for the show so that the word can spread, the Sexy Marriage Radio will answer the questions that you've got on your mind to help your marriage and help your sex life be better because we're all in this together and we want it to better for the long run for everybody. So coming up on today's regular free version of Sexy Marriage Radio, we got a topic where we'll be talking about love in the time of quarantine and social distancing.

Pam Allan:
Nice. Okay.

Corey Allan:
And how this impacts everyone, even if you are in parts of the country or the world that aren't directly impacted, possibly yet, or ever, there's still elements of how this falls out and hits everybody.

Pam Allan:
Yeah, the financial aspects, everything. Yeah. If you're not in isolation, you definitely are getting those effects, supply, supply of product that's going to places that don't have it, you name it.

Corey Allan:
And so then on the extended version of Sexy Marriage Radio, which is deeper, longer, and there are no ads, you can subscribe at smrnation.com. We had an email come in from the show two weeks ago with Dr. Dabney, where a husband took issue with what the route we went and the manner in which we went it, and so it's a long email of just venting and pointing out some really good things that are worth unpacking. And so we're going to do ... We'll share the email on the regular version, but we're going to answer it on the extended version.

Pam Allan:
Perfect.

Corey Allan:
So to the husband that sent us the email, if you did not see my email after the show airs, giving you access to our answer, let me know because I'll let you hear it if you're a member of the academy or not. I want you to be able to get the data, get the information. But if you're not a member the academy, everybody else, and you're interested, how do answer feedback that comes in that calls us to task, join the academy and the extended content and you can find. All that's coming up on today's show.

Corey Allan:
So an email came in, Pam, about just talking about what's going on in the world right now, and how the shelter in place ideas, or the quarantine and the isolation and the distancing that is really for the benefit of everyone else, not necessarily for the people that are being asked to do it. It's like we're all looking out for each other is the hope of this.

Pam Allan:
Right, in hopes of the medical system being able to bear the load. Right?

Corey Allan:
Right. And so but that also adds a certain level of stress associated with it, not even just the disruption. But then there's a whole stress with a pandemic. I mean, that's a scary word. So the email that came in, and I'm paraphrasing it, but this wife is asking how stress and control versus unpredictable future states affect the marriage relationship and intimacy. I'm finding it's not easy for me to put life, which is my choices and circumstances, to the side and just flip a switch to desire sex. However, I know connection is highly important and desired. My wiring desires security above all. Trying to rely on God for this instead of my husband and worldly things. So she's onto what I think a lot of us might be feeling, of we all create these realms and these existences of normalcy. And when that's disrupted or threatened by something way beyond your control, it throws us off.

Pam Allan:
Right, right. It just heightens your sense of that you really are, were never in control. Right? And everything, all the fluff gets pushed aside in scenarios like this, I think.

Corey Allan:
Right.

Pam Allan:
And it just brings to the surface, okay, I've really got to look at me and what makes me who I am. And wow, when I'm out of ... When I have no control over these things, how do I handle that?

Corey Allan:
And what's interesting is this whole thing going on, on a global scale, when you talk about the whole idea of us as human beings trying to exhibit some sort of a control because that helps us feel like we've got agency over what's going on in our world, you realize in times like this, I don't have control because things happen. It's being called an invisible enemy. Right? So but what's funny to me is that's always still the case. What do I really have control of? Other people's choice and circumstances impact me, just reality. I don't have control over a lot of stuff. Ultimately, I have control over me and what I choose to do.

Pam Allan:
You have control just over a lot fewer things now, at least outside of this, especially for folks in that shelter in place and such, you at least felt like you had control over where you could go and when you could do it.

Corey Allan:
Right. And I heard-

Pam Allan:
We had so many conveniences, especially in the United States, that we're used to having everything at our fingertips.

Corey Allan:
Right. Yeah.

Pam Allan:
It's a serious reality check.

Corey Allan:
And it's interesting because I heard a conversation just the other day about a lady that's on the radio as a talk show cohost. And she talked about, this doesn't really disrupt my normal routine anyway because I work and I go home. And I get prepared for work. She's a homebody. But now that we're under some restrictions where she lives of you're not allowed to leave, or you're encouraged not to leave, it feels worse, even though her schedule is not much different. But the fact that someone has said, "Don't," it makes it feel more oppressive.

Pam Allan:
Sure.

Corey Allan:
Even though there's no change.

Pam Allan:
Sure.

Corey Allan:
And that's where some of the stay at home moms with little kids, we've heard from them on, yeah, it makes it more heightened because I've got children and I'm worried about what's the impact on this for them. But my day to day routine, other than I've got to be more diligent about how I go to the store, hasn't changed much. But it feels different because of the unknown, the uncertainty, and the words that are used in our environment. So it's going to impact us all. And one of the things is to recognize that these kinds of uncontrolled, stress filled environments will knock you backwards. That's a normal. It will be disruptive. You will feel it. And so one of the things we can do often, too often as humans, is whenever I get knocked backwards, I then start feeling bad because I got knocked backwards, which is just further compounding the feeling.

Pam Allan:
That's a good point. We don't give ourselves any grace for maybe getting, feeling like we got punched in the gut, and I got blindsided by that one. And now I feel bad because I got blindsided.

Corey Allan:
Right. And I didn't handle it well, and now I'm kicking myself because of how I handled it. And it's that perpetual vortex of doom and despair that we could reap on ourselves. But then on a systemic level, you also have to recognize that when stressful things like this happen, either on a global scale or just on an environment scale of your immediate vicinity, stress will do one of two things in a relationship and in a family. It's either going to draw you together or push you apart. It's just the reality of it.

Corey Allan:
And so it boils down to if you already have pretty well aligned values and pretty well aligned goals, and you treat each other with levels of respect, then this is a great opportunity to enhance and use the relationship for your own support and encouragement through this. If you already treat each other badly though, this is just going to make it even more of a pressure cooker.

Pam Allan:
Sure.

Corey Allan:
That's why over in Japan, where they're on the ... Or in China, sorry, where they're on the other side of this currently since the wave started there.

Pam Allan:
The downside of the bell curve.

Corey Allan:
Right. Soon as they're in the areas of Wuhan some of those provinces right there, where this whole thing started two, three months ago, now that they're trying to get a little more of a normalcy back to life, there's actually reports that some of the government offices are being overrun to capacity with the number of divorces that are trying to come through because this is one of those. And it could just be because they haven't had access to it for a couple months because government offices were all shut down. But it also could be close confines made them realize, I can't escape this. I'm finally going to escape this.

Corey Allan:
Because we all, in various levels of our life, and we all need to own this fact, I think, we all do moderately to really good jobs of distracting ourselves from the thing that cause us pain. And when those things get taken away, you have to face the pain. And this is something you touched on earlier, Pam. What we need to recognize and what we really believe in here at Sexy Marriage Radio is the thing that's causing us the most struggle in our life is the common denominator of ourself. And it's times like this when things get taken away, you realize I cannot escape myself. All of the other things I use to distract myself, I can't escape it. This is why the very first time I went backpacking by myself, it didn't go well because I was afraid of me. I didn't like what I was discovering.

Pam Allan:
Yeah. You ended up in a hotel with the dog.

Corey Allan:
I did. And then the trip I had planned where it was going to be a couple of nights ended up being one day. And then I went back later to just face that fear of, no, no, no, this is something that's got to be overcome and dealt with. So this is a time when you're talking about marriage and you're talking about the stress that happens with this, this is a time that we start to individually on: How do you examine your values? How do you examine your goals? How do you examine what really does make you provide comfort and strength and security and identity? Where do all those things come from? And this is an individual thing first.

Corey Allan:
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Pam Allan:
So in all of this, if I'm at a heightened stress level, to be able to even get at a good spot to analyze those things, don't I have to figure out how to calm myself?

Corey Allan:
Self sooth a little bit.

Pam Allan:
Right, I've got to calm. Right?

Corey Allan:
Yes, you do. And so this is where you can look at this idea of sheltering in place as a blessing because it can be a disruption to what's going on in the normal. And any kind of disruption gives us opportunities to reexamine things through different eyes.

Pam Allan:
And that can be hard to do.

Corey Allan:
Totally.

Pam Allan:
It can be hard, especially when you're in a scenario. We've got so many people that are not working right now, and so there's-

Corey Allan:
Or have the possibilities of that, yep.

Pam Allan:
Right. So the thought of sheltering in place just equates to I'm not earning any money today.

Corey Allan:
Right, which further compounds the stress and the anxiety.

Pam Allan:
Right.

Corey Allan:
Totally get it.

Pam Allan:
Yeah. How do you guide someone to really evaluate and look at this as a blessing when that's what's going on?

Corey Allan:
Well, okay, so then it becomes defining the word blessing because we think of blessing as it's something that will benefit me that's given to me, that enhances my life, increases my life, rather than sometimes the struggles we go through are really the blessing because of what we learn in that.

Pam Allan:
Sure.

Corey Allan:
And this is all how you look at it. This is: How do you look at trials? How do you look at struggles? Because if nothing else, I see the possibilities of things like this on a world, on a global level. This is the time where every human being is getting confronted with the fact that we're not alone. We don't exist in isolation. Even though we're encouraged to live in isolation for a little while, we don't exist in isolation because when you take things away, you realize, hold on. That's what was mentioned on the academy call this week during the virtual hangout time. One of the couples was talking about kids were home and they're hanging out.

Corey Allan:
And it's been a real disruption for their routine because they're older kids that have come home, and they're playing games and they're staying up late. And it's throwing their schedule off. But they're also realizing that the times where if there's no sports on that would normally captivate one of them, all of a sudden, they look over and go, "Hey, when'd my spouse get here?" And now, oh, man, I'm forced to actually interact with people again. Oh, no. But that's just kind of a comedic way to think of we do this in all kinds of ways. This is the emails we get, Pam, about how one spouse is too engrossed on their phone all the time, or too engrossed in a game, or TV, or something, Facebook, whatever it might be.

Pam Allan:
Which could still be happening in this scenario.

Corey Allan:
It totally can be. And this is where you can, in these kinds of environments, you're still trying to escape yourself. You're still trying to escape the situation.

Pam Allan:
So maybe spend some time doing what? Journaling, actually being quiet, reading, reading the word.

Corey Allan:
Right. On a spiritual level, what has helped me, because the way this impacted me when all this started first unfolding, because I've been following it because we have got friends in China, so we kind of have kept up with it.

Pam Allan:
Yeah. They've been in the states and then went back to China.

Corey Allan:
And now they're back over there. But we kept up as this was starting to unfold because it's direct impact with people we know. And so it meant more and different to us at the very outset. But once this all started trickling here and looking like, okay, this is going to be a global thing, it really threw me for a little bit. I had a day or two of just, okay, this is wigging me out. And what shifted it was I went on a long walk listening to some good worship music and just kind of being outside in nature. And coming back from that was restorative. I've just like, "Okay, hold on," because this is the whole thing of just when we're dealing with this kind of stuff that's uncertain and unknown and disruptive, first and foremost, educate yourself and inform yourself for what are the actual risks of what's going on. Because depending on what you're using as your sources and what kind of information. You've got noise coming in about this. It could feel like if you catch COVID-19, you're just going to melt right there on the sidewalk and die instantly.

Pam Allan:
That's how it does feel sometimes with the media, yeah.

Corey Allan:
And that's not the case.

Pam Allan:
No.

Corey Allan:
So it's recognizing, okay, most of this, it's real, it's a legit thing.

Pam Allan:
Definitely.

Corey Allan:
That's the reason it's a pandemic. It's never been experienced. This virus has never been experienced. But most of us, you're going to be okay. And so get good quality sources of information. Keep up with it. Stay informed, and then turn it off.

Pam Allan:
Yeah. The same amount of time you're paying attention to that, go over and do something else quality that lifts you up, that builds you. Listening to good music, being in the word, something along those lines. I think the minister at our church put that on Facebook a week or so again. If you spend five minutes listening to stuff about coronavirus, you know what, have your Bible open right there and spend five minutes in the word. And that's going to bring you some peace.

Corey Allan:
Right, because if you have a spiritual bent to you, there's an element of unchanged story in all of this.

Pam Allan:
Yeah, that's not changing.

Corey Allan:
Right.

Pam Allan:
That's the truth.

Corey Allan:
That this is not the first time the world has had this happen, and it won't be the last time the world has this happen. And for sure, your world, it's not the first or the last time. So what do you have that brings about stability and comfort? And that's where faith comes in. And so we believe in a God that allows us to bring some comfort knowing that. But then there's also the importance of after you just stay informed and stay up to date, set up a new routine. We're on the cusp of a couple of weeks of minimum of it's going to be disruptive because up to this point, you've still been going to work because taxes need to get done so people can get money during unknown and no income times [crosstalk 00:22:51] for some of these people.

Pam Allan:
Yeah, trying to get them their refunds. Yep.

Corey Allan:
But now that the counties are getting really closer, much closer by the time this airs, likely on shelter in places, meaning businesses need to cease and work from home, we've got to set up different routines because the kids have been home. And so as we're sitting here to record this today, we're doing version 3.0 attempt at a new routine of dealing with school for them, and dealing with me doing what I need to do.

Pam Allan:
Right. Now I'm going to be added to the mix, and that adds-

Corey Allan:
We'll have to come up with 4.0.

Pam Allan:
Oh, my gosh. That's like adding kerosine to the fire.

Corey Allan:
But set up a different routine. Set up something that adds a sense of normalcy because that's what we all try to do. We all want to create a normal. We all want to create something that it's a known. Right? So set that up, and within that also means: How do you set up within your routine time for your relationship? And that doesn't just mean sex. It means time to sit down and have a cup of coffee together. Have a meal.

Pam Allan:
Definitely.

Corey Allan:
If you are having a lot more meals at home than you normally do, this is a great opportunity, even if you have children if they're old enough that they can be self sufficient for a couple of minutes, after a meal is over, dismiss the kids and hang with your spouse just a little bit longer and talk. Hang out. Clean out the kitchen together. Do some of the different routines that are necessary and normal together. That's stealing time. That's using the time because what this does is this gives us a semblance of control again. I can handle my environment better. I can create my little existence better. I can clean my house. I've seen lots of different people of closets are all of a sudden becoming spotless and organized again. Garages are being gone through because it's like, "Hey, I've got time on my hands."

Pam Allan:
Good idea.

Corey Allan:
So I can do this. And so if I can set that up, then I can also start to look at a new focus, or a new target, like a new project, a new skill, a new hobby. I can sleep. I can connect with other people virtually. I can binge on SMR. I can binge on TED Talks and educate myself on things that I'm interested in because this is an opportunity that's ahead of this.

Pam Allan:
It's an opportunity. Doesn't it feel good when you're helping other people too? I know most anybody's got neighbors. Right? And neighbors that need to be watched out for.

Corey Allan:
Yeah.

Pam Allan:
So it's a great opportunity to just feel good and feel like you're making a difference in someone else's life too by just a text saying, "Hey, do you need me to pick up something at the store? I'm going anyway."

Corey Allan:
Right.

Pam Allan:
Things like that can just build your community. I don't know that it's feeling control back, but it's feeling like there's a purpose and something good that can be done through it. These are the times when we really can cement some great relationships. Even though we're shelter in place, there is still service to be done. There's still help to be given that can be life altering.

Corey Allan:
And so how this impacts your desire level for sex and for connection when there is volatility going on around you is recognizing what does work for you to create a little more calm. And inform your spouse of that because it could be, you know what, what I need during this kind of time is just a little bit of alone time, or just a little bit of time with just you and I talking, or a walk, or something. Let them know that rather than you're sitting over there spinning and they're wondering, "Why aren't you interested? We've got all this time together. Why aren't you interested in more sex?" And so we get so, that's the disruption of the cycle that you have to see it as, wait, we both have to speak up about this.

Pam Allan:
Right. Well, she wants security. Right? And there doesn't feel like there's any security right now. Her number one desire she says is security. So not knowing where health could be, not knowing where finances could be, all these security blankets have just been taken off and thrown out the window.

Corey Allan:
Okay. So then this gets back to the ultimate levels of control that we really do have, which is the agency of my choices. I read a book when I was in grad school called, it was The Medal of Honor Winners from World War II, Korean War, Vietnam War. And almost all those are given posthumously because the reason-

Pam Allan:
They died.

Corey Allan:
The sacrifice is that great, that's what's the great amount of service that they've done. And every single one of them that I still remember vividly from the descriptions of it, they were in no win situations, completely out of control situations. But they chose how they were going to go out. And that's an amazing framework to me to think about. There are a lot of things that I cannot control. But I can choose how I go out in these. And I don't want to be all fatalistic in that kind of a concept, but this is a fleeting life anyway.

Pam Allan:
It's how I choose to react to things. Right? I mean, it's a different phraseology, but it's very hard to choose to react in a solid state when you're feeling out of control. But it can be done.

Corey Allan:
Right. And this is where what do I need to be more engaged and connected in my existence with myself and then with the people I get comfort from, and if I don't do that, I sit there and spin even more. And so a lot of times, I have to recognize that as this whole thing feels like it's out of control. Is it? How do I start to look at, wait, hold on, what are my real next steps? What do I need to do? And whatever may come of that, I'll deal with that when I know it and when I have to. So it's continuing to take solace and comfort in who I am, what I'm capable of, what I'm becoming and what I have around me because you've got a support structure, most likely. You've got assistance. You've got help. And so sometimes just having the chance to connect and be real and vulnerable with that creates a completely different level of comfort because I realize when I share what I'm wigging out about, or uncertain about, or stressed about, lo and behold, I'm not alone.

Pam Allan:
So true. Definitely not alone. Even the people in your own house that you're sitting next to may be feeling the same.

Corey Allan:
Exactly.

Pam Allan:
Right? But maybe just feeling the same about a different area of security that they're feeling lost in. So you're there to support each other. Right?

Corey Allan:
Absolutely because we're all in this together. And so how do you start to see that even with something that's as big as this is, and how this is going to impact everyone to some degree, whether it's the virus, or the financial impact, or family, or something, it's going to be felt, but how do you see it as what really does matter? What's the important things of my life? Because to me, what I want to percolate to the top personally speaking, is my family, my relationships, and the impact that can be felt on both sides of that, that they can be for me and that I can be for them. And when I can live according to that, all the other stuff I can realize is a lot of it was just noise. It's not even necessary because we're going to make it through this. And hopefully, you can start to see, man, I could be tremendously stronger when this is all done. And how do I not go back to the way things were, but I create a new and better who I am?

Corey Allan:
So before we transition into the extended content, Pam, this is an email that came in that just says, "This is regarding," the episode I did with Dr. Dabney, which would be couple weeks again. And so he says, "If my feedback today seems a bit critical to you, then you're probably assessing it correctly. I fought the whole day to not write this feedback, but I must say I honestly feel sorry for the guy that you were dealing with, with Dr. Laura D. today. How two trained and educated professionals can miss the mark on having any kind of compassion with a desperate listener and basically accuse someone of not doing what exactly they have done for years and it didn't work is beyond me."

Corey Allan:
And this is in quotes. "She's not somehow magically figuring out what he wants. Really? She knows exactly what he wants. He just said that he's told her that for years, but very little ever changes because she will not go there. She does not want what he wants, and is not interested in it at all. The only reason he doesn't bring this up constantly is because it hurts and disrupts the relationship. Women like his wife do not want to talk about sex and about what he wants in bed. There are millions of women like that out there and millions of men at the end of their rope, sad, depressed, frustrated, and yes, very tempted by porn daily. Not because they want to punish her, but because they long for arousal and a bit of eroticism in their life.

Corey Allan:
"And having the same old missionary sex, or upsetting your wife by telling her she's not ... That the perverted thing that you've had on your mind all day is not arousing at all. That's why they wait for months or even years sometimes to bring things up. I used to read Christian marriage blogs. They're depressing, specifically the comments there. I stopped reading them because just like today's advice, they offer so little help. The one thing I did agree with Dr. Dabney said that he needs to focus on changing himself. Focus on not asking for sex or any of the changes in his sexual arena. It's not worth it. It's not worth the sense of stress or distress it creates in the marriage. Focus on becoming less interested in sex, even if God created you that way.

Corey Allan:
"Focus on suppressing that desire daily. Women that have no interest in sex or understanding their husband's sexuality should not get married. And Christian leaders, specifically people with a voice and a platform like you have, need to speak out about it. I'm all about calling the men to be courageous and even speak up about their sexuality and desires in their marriage. But the problem is that they have no backing from anyone, specifically the Christian community, for their desire to have a more adventurous sex life. All this poor guy gets is either shame for wanting more than missionary position, or he gets told to speak up, as if his wife has no clue and is just waiting for him to let her know what exactly he had in mind. You might as well tell him to walk into a snake pit. If I sound a bit upset about all this, it's because I am.

Corey Allan:
"I'm so tired and frustrated about all this advice given by this doctor, or the PhD about that, about how to work out sexual differences in a marriage that has nothing to do, but nothing but make the situation worse. By the way, I've got nothing against doctors. I'm married to one. And yes, even though she'd never admit it, medicine and her career is way more important and takes up 100 times more time and mind space than our sexual relationship. As long as she gets her orgasm once a week, and it preferably doesn't take much more than 30 minutes, we're good, especially if I don't make a fuss and I don't actually say what I want.

Corey Allan:
"So yes, I can feel very much along with the guy you talked about today. Expressing something I'm interested in really means that she's not good at satisfying me sexually, which of course is a huge blow to a successful physician. How do you bring up to a woman something sexual without her either being grossed out or feeling attacked that she's not enough for you? And since there's never a good time to work on our marriage and actually rock the boat in that way, because life, her job, is basically moving from one stressful emergency to the next that always requires all of her, it's best that I change myself and keep my perverted interests to myself, so that everyone can continue to live happily. Thanks for allowing me to vent." Join us after the break in the extended to hear our response.

Joel:
Hi. My name's Joel. I'm calling from Michigan. I've been listening to the Sexy Marriage Radio since pretty much the third week. And I went back and listened to the first two. Anyways, a couple weeks ago you had a show about: What do you call the lady parts down below? And my wife and I, my wife, we've been married 43 years, but we've decided to go with sweet lips. And if I whisper in her ear, "I want to kiss your sweet lips," that gets her going. So we have the regular lips up top, the sweet lips down the bottom, and we don't consider that to be vulgar. It works good for us. And maybe it could help somebody else, so have a good day. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Corey Allan:
I love sweet lips.

Pam Allan:
I will definitely have a good day after that. Thank you. 43 years of marriage, congratulations, that's awesome.

Corey Allan:
Well, if you want to join in on the conversation and help out the SMR nation, 214-702-9565 is how you can let your thoughts, what works for you, terminologies, what have you, we're all better when we can use the collective because we're not alone in the things that we face in life and the things we face in marriage, so let us know what's going on with you and what helps you because we all can benefit from that. Well, this has been Sexy Marriage Radio. As we say every week, if we left something undone, let us know. 204-702-9565. Wherever you are, whatever you've been doing, thanks for spending the time with us. And we'll see you next time.

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