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hosted by Dr. Corey Allan

Testicular Cancer #580

On the Regular version of today’s show …

Recorded LIVE at the 2022 SMR Getaway.

A husband had a testicle removed due to cancer (which was caught early). He was told by his doctor that his libido may increase and the remedy to any discomfort is ejaculation. This puts his wife is a tough spot.

A husband wants his wife to wear lingerie and wants to go down on her after sexual intercourse. His side – he loves it. Her side – not so much.

On the Xtended version …

An encore conversation how to bring up your desires when you may disrupt the status quo.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

Adventure Challenge …In Bed Book: Get 20% off and add play back to foreplay in your marriage. Use our code SMR20 at  https://www.theadventurechallenge.com/

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Got a question?


CALL US 214-702-9565

or email us at feedback@sexymarriageradio.com

Speaker: You are listening to the regular version of Sexy Marriage Radio, SMRnation.com.

Corey Allan: Welcome back to another episode of Sexy Marriage Radio, coming to you live again from the 2022 Sexy Marriage Radio getaway in Indianapolis. We're having a great day. I'm tired. I'll just put that out front.

Pam Allan: I bet you are.

Corey Allan: It's been a lot of fun, a lot of good content, if I do say so myself, but the interaction with the sexiest people that took the time out to be here, and watching the evolution of this process go as a group and as individuals and as couples is so incredibly impactful for me and so enjoyable. And so is everybody having a good time? While you're here? And Indy's a cool spot. If you're not familiar with Indy, it is a cool, cool spot. It's hot too. It's hot in Texas. If we were doing this in Texas... It's really hot right now.

Pam Allan: You got some [inaudible 00:01:08] here.

Corey Allan: But nobody wants the weather report for Sexy Marriage Radio episode. So what we're trying to do each and every week, alongside my wife Pam, is go where the nation wants to go. And we answer your questions. We talk about what's on your mind, and you can let us know at 214-702-9565, or as always for the 10 years plus of being on the air. Feedback@SexyMarriageRadio.com, where everything we do is listener driven. We also ask the members of the nation to join the platform, be a part of the conversation, and then also spread the word. I even heard tell of a group of people from the getaway went to lunch or dinner, not sure which one. They talked about Sexy Marriage Radio with their waitress, and now the waitress has listened to a couple episodes since when another couple went back for lunch the next day.

Pam Allan: Sweet. Thanks for spreading the word.

Corey Allan: We're spreading the word in Indy and sexifying downtown Indy, which is fantastic, but we need people's help to make that happen. And so if you're listening to this and you like what's going on, rate and review the show. Help spread the word, because it makes everything get out further and wider to let people know that we believe the hot sex, hot sex for bed sex is in the bedroom. Yeah. I meant to say it that way.

Pam Allan: I'm not sure what that even meant.

Corey Allan: The best sex happens in the bedroom. That's what I meant to say. So coming up on today's regular free version.

Pam Allan: Or in the marriage bed, maybe. Because there's hot sex that might be even better than in the bed, like out by the pool. I'm just saying. But in the marriage bed.

Corey Allan: Well, that wraps up today's show.

Pam Allan: We're going to edit that out. We'll be editing that out, so you know. I don't know where that came from.

Corey Allan: That wraps up today's show. So you guys have a good lunch. I'm not editing that out. Coming up on today's regular free version of Sexy Marriage Radio is a couple of your questions that have come in via email, and we're going to do what we can to answer them. And then again, on the extended content... Yes, there will be extended content. And if you're an extended listener, you get it's a surprise episode today with the extended content.

Pam Allan: Let's roll.

Corey Allan: All that's coming up on today's show. Just an email that came in, Pam, that says, "My husband and I have listened to several of your podcasts in the past 18 months, and they've helped us knowing some of our struggles are not unique, but we do have one unique situation that we're trying to navigate through. 10 plus years ago, my husband had testicular cancer and had one of his testicles removed. Thank God it was caught early and no other treatment besides observation was needed, which is fantastic. Having one testicle puts everything in hyper drive though, and he needs a sexual release at least a minimum of every three days. If he doesn't, he's in constant pain that gets worse with time, and his oncologist said that this is normal and ejaculation is the remedy. I've worked through different phases of resentment of feeling like my body is just a medicine for him, and I still feel that way from time to time. We have an open dialogue about it and sometimes he masturbates, but we both feel it's important for both of us to be a part of a sexual activity, since he had a history with porn and we don't want to go back there.

Corey Allan: I'm the lower desire, but we still have sex at least three times or more a week and at all different times of the day, and we mix that with intercourse, mutual masturbation, et cetera. Out of one week out of the month, I biologically have a higher drive, and that week there's no issues. It's fun, and we're both into it. We have good connection. It's the remaining weeks of the month that we struggle."

Corey Allan: So here's her frustrations, Pam. "Sex takes too long. Often it can take over an hour for him to ejaculate. I get tired and/or sore, and it's not fun after so long. This leads me to dread going into it. When sex has been going on for a while, sometimes I'll quit, making both of us angry at each other, and then I feel guilty for him not completing. My guilt usually makes me go back and overcompensate later on. And sex is too frequent, and I feel like I can't say no, leading to junk sex that leaves both of us frustrated with each other.

Corey Allan: His frustrations is my bad attitude makes it harder for him to complete. I don't flirt, because I think it'll lead to sex. My desire being too low when I say no and when I'm not into it when we have sex. At times he feels I'm not attracted to him or I don't love him. And when I ask him to do things for me to help me get in the mood, my love language is acts of service. He feels like I'm making him earn sex. Could the root cause of our frustrations be too much sex, aging, lack of energy, high expectations, all of the above? We're in our mid thirties, we've been married 12 years with no prior partners. I would love advice on how to realistically navigate sex under these circumstances." That is a lot.

Pam Allan: Yeah. Yeah. The pressure... I totally hear where she would feel the pressure. I mean, my initial reaction, of course, was, well, how can she participate in masturbation with him?

Corey Allan: Right.

Pam Allan: So that it's not this hour long painful process for her.

Corey Allan: Yeah. There's several different things. I think we need to start on this thing. One, let's go with, I actually pulled the doctor aside that's here at the getaway and had a quick conversation about this, because I was doing some research on the idea of testicular cancer. Testosterone comes from the testes, the pituitary gland, and the adrenal glands. Those are contributing factors of what makes it all up. And when it's... I'm sorry? It's an axis. Perfect. Okay. And so it's recognizing that what happens when one teste is removed, the other will up it a lot of times to kind of balance you out. That's just always relatively speaking, right? Because lower desire is often the result of losing a teste. I had not heard of hyperdesire from it. So I'm curious of what was it like before? That's one question I want to know that we don't know. What was their system like before? Did he come into this and her come into this thinking, well, we've got to be having lots and lots of sex, just because that's the role that we play with each other?

Pam Allan: Well, it didn't sound that way.

Corey Allan: No, it doesn't sound that way, but that's a data that is important to note, because it could just be amplified because again, where I want to land with this is not the biological side of it. I want to land on the biggest sex organ we all have: our brain.

Pam Allan: Our brain.

Corey Allan: And looking at it, how is he approaching this with his brain? How is she approaching this with her brain? And that's where you're talking about your expectations, you're talking about these dynamics, you're talking about what role am I supposed to play? Because as she's framing this, her map is saying that I want to do these things for him. But yet when she flips the script, he feels like he has to earn it. But she's already in that state of, I have to be the salve for his discomfort.

Pam Allan: Well, okay. I'm going a little bit farther on that, on the brain. Right? They feel like they have to do this together and not put it on masturbation, because he's had a porn issue in the past. Is she just not trusting him? That this is just going to lead to a bigger porn issue and that's what's putting pressure on her?

Corey Allan: So that's kind of boxed herself in more because if I'm not participating in it, then therefore history has shown this will rear its head again.

Pam Allan: Right. And so if I'm not participating here, this porn thing's going to raise its head, and so that's pressure on me. Even without the testicular cancer issue, that's something you got to overcome and deal with anyway. You got to learn to-

Corey Allan: Because a spouse's responsibility is not to cure a partner's porn issue. Or be even an ally in it, necessarily. That's their issue.

Pam Allan: Right. So from what I'm reading between the lines here is that's the piece that's got to be...

Corey Allan: That's not reading between the lines, though, Pam, because the way she's worded this is we have open dialogue about it, and sometimes he will masturbate, but we both feel it's important for both of us to be a part of the sexual activity since he has had a history with porn, and we don't want to go back there. The we. We don't want to go back there. She doesn't want to take the risk of seeing what kind of character this guy has on, will he confront that.

Pam Allan: Well, and maybe he's scared of it too.

Corey Allan: Maybe so, but it's recognizing it's his issue he's got to face, which is what you're picking up on.

Pam Allan: Yeah.

Corey Allan: Because that at least takes some of the pressure off of, I have to be the conduit for your release every single time.

Pam Allan: She'll feel the pressure nonstop. And she's going to, even if she's not, and she takes the pressure off of her own body, I don't have to be the one making this happen for him, she's still going to feel the pressure of well is the porn thing going to be an issue? That's just going to be there. Anyway, that's one of the caveats, I'm saying.

Corey Allan: You're right. Well, this caveat dovetails right into the other thing that I see in this, is they feed off of each other in negative ways and positive ways. Mainly negative ways. Because what she was saying, his frustration is if she's not into it, it takes him longer.

Pam Allan: Oh yeah. No, I hear what you're saying.

Corey Allan: So he's reading her as well, she's not into this. So therefore that expands the length of time it takes for him to reach ejaculation level, which is usually feeding... You're reading each other in a negative way.

Pam Allan: There goes the mind. There goes that [inaudible 00:11:11].

Corey Allan: It's that concept of, oh, you're not really into this. So then you're faced with, okay, how do I either center myself to not have to necessarily read my partner on the way I interpret it, but actually read, they're doing this for me. They're being a part of this with me. They are here. Maybe they're not raring to go and all excited and adventurous, but they're here. That's actually giving and loving and caring. That's what it sounds like she wants to do.

Corey Allan: Parts of the month that she's got this availability because it's biology of yeah, I'm into this. It's fun. It's a good thing for both of us. Some of the times it's like, yeah, I'm not so much, but I'm willing to be a part of it. And then other times, you're pointing out, it's, nah, I'm not on this at all. This up for you. You go take care of it, and maybe I'll be around for it, maybe I won't. Those are kind of a continuum of dealing with it, but it's realizing, a lot of times, I think, we can read each other negatively, and that then limits my reaction. That it limits my enjoyment.

Pam Allan: It certainly can. I'm not going to knock that.

Corey Allan: Just at face value, then, one of the best things you can do, if you want to still play the role for your partner and this is a... All right, this could be... Look at the positions you choose to use when you have sex with each other. Okay. If you read each other too easily, then you probably don't need to have sex while you're facing each other as easily.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: Try rear entry, also known as doggy style. You're not looking at her face. You don't have those cues to like, okay. Then it's just the moment. It's the experience. Sometimes that's an easier way to change up that dynamic just to realize, how do I recenter myself? Do it with the lights off. Don't see each other at all. Do it in the dark. And again...

Pam Allan: Maybe that's all they're doing anyway.

Corey Allan: Maybe so, but well. I'm going to pause it. Probably not. Because the reality... How many of us... Show of hands. How many you of actually have completely dark rooms? It doesn't really exist as much in the world. We have light enough to be able to see and sense something. But these are just simple little things that maybe strategically give you a foothold to all right, let's realize this is an equation we're dealing and this is all under the auspices, make sure by nod, what I'm trying to get across is this is two willing participants in this, though. It's not an obligation of, you must do this, ma'am. I'm not at all saying that.

Pam Allan: No, well she's making it clear, she's a willing participant in this.

Corey Allan: But you've got to break that scenario of this is the role I play for you, and if I don't play it perfectly, then it ruins it for both of us, and you got to see it as this is the role I want to do, and I'm I'm in it. And you're getting antsy, so...

Pam Allan: Well, it's interesting, because here at the getaway, we had an exercise this morning, and I'm thinking even in a dark room... Here I am, poo-pooing your...

Corey Allan: Poo-poo away.

Pam Allan: Here's some options for you. But you think of this exercise of touching...

Corey Allan: The touching while feeling.

Pam Allan: Touching while feeling. And even in a totally dark room with the scenarios you lay down, the way touch goes, you're going to know whether they're in or out.

Corey Allan: Absolutely.

Pam Allan: Even if it's [inaudible 00:14:41].

Corey Allan: This is not something that's saying, try these positions or try these scenarios or experiences that will then all of a sudden be devoid of. It's just a way to break up the normal routine.

Pam Allan: Break up the routine, and I'm not reading things that maybe aren't even there on their face. Right.

Corey Allan: Right. Because it's sometimes we just need to get a little more ground we can gain by just disrupt it a little bit. And sometimes a position's a better way to do that. But the other thing that she could do is, "I don't flirt because I think it will lead to sex." Well, you already are under that pressure anyway.

Pam Allan: Yeah. That's a great question. Because I thought that. I'm like, "Well, if you know you're going to be needing to have sex anyway, because you're wanting to participate in all of these, well, why not just flirt? Why not make it fun?"

Corey Allan: Or just recognize, because this has been a theme we've talked about this weekend, is recognize that pressure is already inherent. It's already there. You know it. Being able to say no at any point in that continuum is still a possibility. Because one of the things that happens... Men, tell me if I'm wrong that are here in the audience. When there's a little more of a jazz going on between us, a little more of a connection and a banter going on between us that is flirting, that is that sexual energy, that's that banter, it's usually makes the whole actual sexual encounter a little faster. Right? Because you've already put in a little bit of work during the day, and it's like, oh yeah. And then it's just like, I just need this... So that actually, by being able to grow into that, doesn't necessarily mean any kind of overture must be resulting in sex right then and there, because at Sexy Marriage Radio, we believe sex is a long game. As the higher desire, one of the things I love is Esther Perrel's statement of foreplay starts after orgasm, because you're just setting up the next one. And so it's recognizing, how do I see it as the moves I make on you, or the moves you make on me? That's just setting up whenever the next encounter is.

Pam Allan: Right. I wasn't clear on here if she was saying that it takes an hour for him to ejaculate, it has to do with the physical side of things or if that's just playing into...

Corey Allan: I think that's the mental thing.

Pam Allan: The mental thing of, she's not into it, so I can't-

Corey Allan: Because that is the vortex that's so destructive for anybody, whether there's one testicle or not, that it takes a while for delayed ejaculation, because when it takes a while... I mean, I'm sorry, ladies. I can speak for you. I'm assuming that there's only so long I can just be engaged and just let you just pound away. Right?

Pam Allan: Absolutely.

Corey Allan: And it's going to be like, come on already.

Pam Allan: It's time to get some sleep.

Corey Allan: Right. Or at least we're out of lube. We got to run to the store and take a break. There's this element of it that's just like, okay. We can only draw out something even that's good for so long before one of you just loses the mojo. And then you start feeding off of each other, because like, "Wow, well you're just... " And then it's ah, and then it just all crumbles. So how do you start to see... This is, I think, where we land this one. Was that just a deep breath because you got something you wanted to say, or...

Pam Allan: Well, I was thinking of the flirting and the things like we've talked about in the past and I know these aren't in production anymore. A Private Affair. That was something, I'll speak for me, that allowed me to get my head in the game. Little cards that just had conversation starters. Yeah. Innocent conversation starters.

Corey Allan: Oh, Dan Purcell's Intimately Us app.

Pam Allan: Intimately Us app. Just some things like that can get your conversation going, that get you on the erotic-

Corey Allan: That's the whole thing we're describing. Right? It's that idea of the mental side of it, our brain being the biggest sexual organ we have. That can be going on all throughout the day, interwoven throughout interactions.

Pam Allan: I was just trying to give some actual hands-on here's what you can do.

Corey Allan: But that's kind of the same way I'm thinking we land this segment, is that idea of when I can see it as I can flirt, I can interact, and still delay when we actually have to pay that check, if you will. That actually is increasing the connection before we even actually had the chance to physically be connected, which might then really interact with and change the how long it takes, because there's a buildup. There's a play. It's less, I'm trying to avoid it and play defense, and it's more, yeah, I'm into this. Whenever it does happen. I'm good. This is a good dynamic. And at least you can gain some ground with yourself and each other on how you treat it.

Corey Allan: So our sponsors today, Pam, we have The Adventure Challenge in Bed edition, which is a book full of 50 unique romantic ideas for you and your partner to do together and spice up your intimacy in and out of the bedroom. And it's very simple, Pam. I mean, we've used these books before. All you do is you pick a challenge together, you scratch it off, you follow the instructions for an experience that we promise could lead you to be doing something you've never done before. And it's worth noting the thing that it might lead you to be doing that you've never done before, it's not necessarily Kamasutra or new positions. It's new presence and activities involved in how you get to the sexual encounters, what you may do during, who you are during. So it's the whole picture. It's not just a book of positions. And that's worth noting because the Adventure Challenge actually does bring and put the word play back in your foreplay, and it puts exciting and adventure back in your sex life.

Pam Allan: I love their books. They're so creative.

Corey Allan: Yeah. We absolutely love the Adventure Challenge In Bed Edition, and we think you will too. So go to the adventurechallenge.com, use our code SMR20, and this will get you 20% off their books.

Pam Allan: Sweet.

Corey Allan: This book helps you connect emotionally and physically. And let's face it, Pam. Connected sex equals better sex. Go to the adventurechallenge.com and use our code SMR20 and get 20% off.

Corey Allan: So another email. "My wife and I have been together for 13 years, married for 10. We have three amazing kids. We were first together and we had a great sex life. She was always wearing sexy lingerie, which was a huge turn on to me. And we both have aged, and she rarely wears lingerie, even though she knows how much it excites me seeing her in it. I will ask her and she'll just ignore the question. I try to get her to be more vocal in what she wants, as I'm the partner willing to try anything at least once. I recently even decided to go down on her after I finished inside her, and really, really enjoyed it. Now I struggle with this when I tell her I'm going to do it. After I finish, I lose the desire. Any help on these things with getting my wife to be more comfortable in lingerie again, and going down on her after I finish inside her?"

Corey Allan: Again, this goes right to the reasons we get a lot of emails, is how do I get my partner to do something or lean into what I want rather than how do you lean into what it is you want better, and let her deal with it, and confront it better, or push it back, or I'm not going to wear that.

Pam Allan: So here's my question. How does he lean into what he wants if it's her wearing the lingerie?

Corey Allan: Well, it sounds like if he brings it up and she's ignoring it, she's pretty well answered it.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: Not going to do it.

Pam Allan: So he's just supposed to leave it at that?

Corey Allan: Doesn't mean you give up the desire, but you have to realize what I'm facing. She's not going to do it. If you like lingerie that much, you wear it. Might bring up a whole nother issue that could happen, but it is recognizing, okay. And I don't mean her lingerie. Just if you like the frilly stuff, how do you create an environment to see if she'll join? Maybe she will, maybe she won't. But again, this is those power plays that we have in marriage. There's these things when I'm first meeting somebody and falling in love with them, it's a natural thing of, I want to do what they like about me in this. I want to do what it is they enjoy. Because we're all idealistically distorted and chemically high. So we don't see the whole story.

Corey Allan: I said here earlier in the weekend that it's our marketing departments, and they are spin masters. Don't look at that back there. I'll do this though. And then all of a sudden, when I get into this whole thing and life takes over and now all of a sudden, the way I look at myself changes, or I don't really like the way being a mother has changed my body. There's a lot of other things that could be going on with her. She's like, "I'm not wearing that stuff anymore." And it could be because the stuff that you want her to wear is based on what she was rather than how she is now. Maybe there is something that is appealing and you haven't tried to adjust to that.

Pam Allan: That's what I'm wondering. There are other things that are appealing. Some of that lingerie is just so uncomfortable. I mean, who wants to lay around and make out or whatever, even in that, because it's so uncomfortable.

Corey Allan: You're asking the wrong person on that one.

Pam Allan: Ladies, isn't some of it really uncomfortable? I mean, I'm getting a lot of nodding heads.

Corey Allan: Yeah. Some of it's not comfort. Exactly.

Pam Allan: But depending on what kind it is that he likes, who knows which that is. So try a broader gamut of it. What else is it that you like her to wear? And maybe she'll fade into that.

Corey Allan: And the other thing for him is, how does he examine how his tastes have evolved and changed with her development to? This is where we get caught in the, how am I dealing with the spouse I have, not the one I wish they were?

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: Because we evolve as people. And then the second thing he talked about is that idea of, I really enjoyed going down on her after finishing inside her, and now I don't really want to. What he even said.

Pam Allan: I thought he wanted to.

Corey Allan: "I struggle with this when I tell her what I'm going to do it. After I finish, I lose the desire." So what is it with announcing you're going to do it? That's what curious to me with his wording. Did you pick up on... I mean, yeah. A couple people are picking up on that. It's like, let me tell you what I'm going to do, rather than... That's sometimes not the most romantic move. It's the element of, I'm just going to do it, and if you don't want me to head south, then you'll grab my head and pull me north. Or you'll close your legs and you'll get up and walk out of the room. I mean, it's kind of clear that way. It's a clearly defined communication.

Corey Allan: But I hear he has tied, "She won't do this, so therefore I lose my desire to want to do what I like to do." Which means you're too contingent on her reaction, rather than if you really enjoy something, why not head towards it and see if she's willing to be a part of it or not? See if it goes where she wants it to go or not? And go after what you enjoy. It's kind of what marriage is in a lot of ways.

Pam Allan: Sorry. I was getting lost a little bit. I apologize.

Corey Allan: Don't.

Pam Allan: Because I was hearing what he was saying, I think, differently than what he was he's really saying.

Corey Allan: That's what's so good about this. So how were you hearing this?

Pam Allan: So I'm reading the sentence now, and it says, "Recently decided to go down her on her after I finished inside her and really enjoyed it. Now I struggle with this when I tell her I'm going to do it. After I finish, I lose the desire." I was hearing it as now she's saying she doesn't want him to go down. He's saying he doesn't want to go down.

Corey Allan: That's what I'm reading.

Pam Allan: After he's finished. Okay.

Corey Allan: I'm reading it's he has changed his whole... I really did like this, and now I've kind of lost the desire to do it when I tell her I want to do it.

Pam Allan: Well then why is he even telling her he wants to do it? I'm so confused.

Corey Allan: That's a fair question. It's a completely fair question. Because again, this is that element of... All right. Maybe this is a good way to land this segment.

Pam Allan: Well, no, I mean, it's one or two things. Maybe he likes going down on her, just not after he's already finished. Maybe he just doesn't want to go down after he's already cum.

Corey Allan: There's nods on that. Okay. This is one of the people asked, Hey, can we vote on some things?

Pam Allan: We have a question from the audience, we have a statement from the audience.

Speaker 5: What's his final question on this topic?

Pam Allan: What's his final question on the topic?

Corey Allan: He wants her to be more comfortable in lingerie again, and with him going down on her after he finishes. That's the question.

Speaker 5: He wants her...

Corey Allan: He wants her to be comfortable with these things.

Pam Allan: Okay. That's where I got it before.

Corey Allan: Good pick up, ma'am. Thank you.

Pam Allan: So, which is it? I'm not clear on if it's him being uncomfortable now or her being uncomfortable now. Either way, your point that you initially said, spot on. Why you announcing it, number one. And she can monitor that after-

Corey Allan: Right. If she's come back and said, "I'm not comfortable with you doing that." Then that's an honoring of her, and have to recognize, wait. I don't get access to her body just because she's married to me.

Pam Allan: And why is it that she's uncomfortable with it? Do we even have a clue? Does he have a clue? Maybe she's weirded out because he came and it might be messy and that's uncomfortable to her.

Corey Allan: That's one of the messiness and icky things of like, "Really, I don't know if I want to do that, but... "

Pam Allan: Well, if she's self-conscious about that, but he's the one that's down there, well, that's kind of on him, right? So let's have that conversation together. And if it's not bad for him, then come on.

Corey Allan: I see both of the things he's asking is he is trying to influence something he has no control over.

Speaker 6: Or not sure enough of himself.

Corey Allan: He needs to own himself in this and move forward into, this is what I really like. You may or may not do this. You may or may not be comfortable with this, but this is what I like. If I force myself beyond it, that's an issue. But being able to express what my desires are is part of our growing up. That's part of who we are. We are faced with this in varying ways in every single one of our marriages. I have a preference of what I like, and so when I lay out a shirt of mine that I would love for you to wear and you come home from your day and it's been a rough day and you just hang it back up in the closet, that's a pretty clear signal of, I'm not interested in that right now, but I still did earn myself in the manner in which I spoke what I wanted. And we see.

Pam Allan: He could do the same with the lingerie.

Corey Allan: He could.

Pam Allan: Right? Just make sure it's comfortable. All I'm asking of you, fellow, make sure it's something comfortable. But email us in, because if we're not clear on the second question there, because I think we got a little confused on what it was you were asking. So follow up for feedback.

Corey Allan: I think a lot of what we need to do as higher desire husbands, lower desire wives, or reverse that. Higher desire wives, lower desire husbands. How am I living more overtly with my desires and letting my adult partner handle themselves with the pushbacks that they need to? With the adjusting, the audibles, the saying nos that no, because that's the process of both of us growing up and becoming better. And we're going to leave it at that.

Corey Allan: We almost did evolve into the let's vote. Choose your own adventure episodes of Sexy Marriage Radio. Should we take option B? Option C? Because think about how many variations there are with what unfolds in married life. But the one thing that's always run true, Pam, is the honor and the privilege it is to have the nation reach out to us and trust us to ask these questions and to seek help in their situations, because what we really want to have happen is we want married life to continually to be hot and sexy and vibrant, because the marriage bed is the hotbed for sex.

Corey Allan: Well, this has been Sexy Marriage Radio. If we left something undone, let us know. 214-702-9565. Feedback@sexymarriageradio.com. So wherever you are, however you chose to listen, thanks for hanging out with us. See you next time.