Top iTunes Marriage Podcast

10.3+ Million Downloads

hosted by Dr. Corey Allan

Tried It, Don’t Like It #559

Join us at the Sexy Marriage Radio Getaway in Indianapolis, June 23-25, 2022 – https://smrnation.com/getaway

On the Regular version of today’s show …

A follow to a message from an Instagram Q&A I was a part of over Valentine’s Weekend.

A wife tried out something new in sex, didn’t like it, yet her husband keeps pushing for it.

A husband wants to introduce a prostate massager during mutual masturbation, his wife isn’t ok with it.

On the Xtended version …

How do you frame healthy conversations around affection, passion and sexual release in marriage? Particularly as it pertains to masturbation?

PLUS – XTD feed members get to hear a new version and music in the intro and outro of the show. We’d love your feedback as we kick around ways to keep the show fresh and evolving.

Enjoy the show!

Like this show? Please leave us a review here — even one sentence helps!

 

Got a question?


CALL US 214-702-9565

or email us at feedback@sexymarriageradio.com

Speaker 1: You are listening to the regular version of Sexy Marriage Radio smrnation.com.
You've turned on Sexy Marriage Radio, where the best sex happens in the marriage bed. Here's your host, Dr. Corey Allen.

Corey Allan: Today Pam, on Sexy Marriage Radio, we're going to try to get into the questions that have come in pretty quickly. Sometimes we do some fun banter but we got a lot to cover.

Pam Allan: Okay, well, let's roll. I'm ready.

Corey Allan: We do got to let people, the members of the nation understand and know that if you're new to the Sexy Marriage Radio nation, which if you listening to us right now, you're a part of the nation so welcome. Glad you found us. The way you can be involved and connect is let us know what's on your mind, what questions you have, topics that you want us to cover. Get you to the front of the line by calling our voicemail, which is 214-702-9565. Or you can email us, record your message and email it to us at feedback@sexymarriageradio.com.

Corey Allan: We also ask the members of the nation help spread the word. Jump on iTunes, write and review, leave a comment, share it, subscribe. Tell your family members all about it. Tell your friends, your neighbors, go on a marching campaign, whatever it is that helps us spread the word that we married sex is the hot bed for sex. Then the other piece of business we need to take care of because we just passed Valentine's day, and so if you are a member of the nation that's listening and you're like, oh, I missed it. I forgot all about it. I didn't get a gift from my spouse. We've got one for you.

Pam Allan: We do.

Corey Allan: What we're doing is Sex Marriage Radio getaway comes up in June every year. This year, June 23rd through the 25th we're in Indianapolis, Indiana, the downtown Westin Hotel. It's going to be a fabulous four days together. Technically it's three, but this spills over into the Sunday as a day for you and your spouse. We are scholarshipping a registration to one member of the nation. The way this is going to work-

Pam Allan: I was going to say, what do they need to do to get their name in the hat?

Corey Allan: The way this is going to work is you are going to, as you listen to this show, you get the opportunity to email it us, which is feedback@sexymarriageradio.com, and just in the subject line, put getaway 2022. Then in the bottom or in the main body of the text of the message, you're going to just write out we want to go. I want in.

Pam Allan: That's it. It's a random drawing.

Corey Allan: I totally blew it. If you want to be forthcoming about how maybe Valentines wasn't good for you, let us know. I mean, we won't share that.

Pam Allan: You don't have to have blown Valentines. Just saying.

Corey Allan: You could have blown Valentines.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: Sorry. Just send us an email, feedback@sexymarriageradio.com. For the next two weeks, that would mean it would be until March 1st nope, sorry, March 2nd.

Pam Allan: Texas independence day for anybody out there that wanted to know that.

Corey Allan: There we go. That's how we'll celebrate.

Pam Allan: March 2nd.

Corey Allan: Until the end of the day on March 2nd, which is two weeks from the day this show airs, email us, and then your entry will be put into a random drawing and this will cover your registration fee to join us at the getaway.

Pam Allan: You just have to get travel and hotel, but it takes a way the registration.

Corey Allan: If you're one of the many who have already registered, you're still welcome to enter this and maybe still win it and join us. That way you get the money back, if you've already registered and saved your spot, which is a good thing to do because we're filling up and we want people to be there and it's going to be a fabulous four days together. Feedback@sexymarriageradio.com and then you have until March 2nd to enter to win.

Pam Allan: All right, let's hit some emails.

Corey Allan: Well, coming up on today's regular free version are, as we've mentioned, we're going to try to get through a couple of different emails and messages that have come in and then on the extended content today, which is deeper longer, and there are no ads, you can subscribe at smrnation.com/smracademy. We are going to dive into how do you talk about some of the nuanced conversations that take place in marriage around sex and wants and desires and differences, and what are the ways that we can do this a little bit better.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: We're going to just give you a framework of here's the two different lenses that it seems like people get caught in. All that's coming up on today's show. A little while back, we had a relationship that began with a spot on Instagram, Christians who curse sometimes, where I would get a chance, Pam, to come on board and do some sex Q and A's. Fun time to just answer questions that come in from his readers.

Corey Allan: As his site has grown and grown and grown, he brought me back on board for Valentine's, which that's a great opportunity. That's appropriate timing. I wrote one, that a question came in from a wife that was very desperate because she wanted to know how much sex is normal, because she's tired of the generic answer of, well every couple is different, but when you should, but when should you be concerned because it's too little. "My husband and I have far too little and I'm constantly feeling rejected and unwanted, what do we do to get help?" I'm going to read my answer because I had an email that came back to me asking for clarification.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: My answer was, before you overreact, are you really rejected, unwanted? Frustrated, yes. I can hear that in your question, but the others are actually what come along with married life. My guess is that you feel rejected and unwanted in the sexual aspect of your relationship, but perhaps not the other areas of your marriage. This happens to varying degrees after the chemically induced high of a relationship wears off.

Corey Allan: Romance and sexual encounters are easier in the beginning but they inevitably wane over time and are replaced with the struggles that you're experiencing. To address the differences and desires between you first, it helps to recognize that there's a higher and lower on everything. One of you wants something more than the other. Each of these points on the continuum are simply different. Neither one's right or wrong, only different.

Corey Allan: Second, ask yourself if the sex you're having or wanting is really worth wanting or even more pointedly, are you worth having sex with? Being honest about these questions may give you insights into how this dynamic shifted so drastically between you both. Then third, I go on to talk about seek professional help if there's gridlock in, this is what I do also. I work with people from all over.

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: The question came to me of, could you clarify this? The, are you worth having sex with sounds very bad and I'm sure you weren't intending it the way it came out, but I'm not sure what was intended in this sentence or this paragraph. Please either omit or rewrite this section, because I know people who really have a hard time with this, including the letter writer who wrote about feeling rejected by her husband, a response saying that she just might not be worth loving in this way may not be a helpful thing. Thanks.

Pam Allan: Well, as a phrase that's used once in a while, maybe I'm being harsh here, but it put on your big girl panties here. I come at this, not from being the professional in this arena. I'm here as the sidekick. I'm here's the spouse, but that's a question I had to ask myself and maybe she is totally worth, it's the question that she can say, yes, I'm worth having sex with. In the way that I'm phrasing this, great, but you have to at least ask yourself some questions.

Corey Allan: Okay. But recognize this too, Pam, because this is the nuance of our world, of the English language, and the self talk we've got and the meanings we attached to everything. Because at the end of this, she says the letter writer who wrote about feeling rejected, a response saying that she just might not be worth loving in this way is not a helpful thing. I never said, are you worth loving.

Pam Allan: No, not at all.

Corey Allan: I asked, are you worth having sex with. We have sex for a lot of different reasons as humans. Some of those have absolutely nothing to do with love. Depending on your cultural context and your moral compass, there's a lot of times sex is happening and it has nothing to do with love. Some of it comes down to, what's the nuance of what you do and the meaning you attach to it because sometimes sex is just really for having fun. It's pleasure, it's release, but sometimes there's a tender, loving side to it. There's a profound side to it. There's a spiritual side to it. Getting into the weeds of that, of how that interacts and relates in your life matters.

Corey Allan: Then how that plays out in your marriage matters. That's what you're touching on is this idea of, okay, in my marriage, what role does my sex life play? What role does our sex life play? Am I a great participant in it or not? Sometimes couples, well, not sometimes, a majority of the time until couples get a better idea that there's something deeper going on, they don't really show up in sex.

Corey Allan: It's just a thing we do. Then you leave it feeling empty and not quite sure and disappointed while the other one's like, man, that met every need I wanted at that moment. At that moment it might have, but then you look back at it and you realize that was self-serving. That was one sided. That was just goal oriented. That wasn't something truly following the connection and meaning something deeper.

Corey Allan: I think that this, recognizing to see that it's a language that goes on and we have sex up to the level of anxiety we can tolerate. A lot of times with this subject, there's a lot of anxiety around it so we don't really show up. I love flipping it in this way to think of it in terms of, okay, when a person hears this from the best in them, they react like you do in the sense of, I got to ask that question of myself.

Pam Allan: You got to, otherwise, you're not really working on it.

Corey Allan: Well, and I'm holding my partner responsible for my own journey and growth.

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: That then either leads to, there's this huge divide between us or it's tiering in the lowest common denominator and everything crumbles either way those go. It's just seeing it as, okay, you might feel rejected when you hear some truths, but that doesn't mean it's wrong, so ask the better questions. That typically draws us out into more. That's the hope with everything we do here at Sexy Marriage Radio, for sure.

Pam Allan: I think that's the interesting thing on a lot of this Instagram stuff is that people want to ask a quick question and they want a quick answer that makes them feel better. If that's not how it works, then I want an apology or a redaction. I mean, you've got to dive in deeper into these bigger life scenarios. Instagram is great for how do I get my hair to look good? Or how do I get my nails to look good? But when you're talking about these deeper relationship things, how do you get that answered in a really quick, instant response, so let's dive deeper into it. You can't just get it instantly.

Corey Allan: Maybe it points you in a better direction and that's the hope that we're trying to do, because even with what we do with our shows, we can't answer all of them to the depth of like I can if I'm working with a couple where you do truly get into nuances as it pertains to them. I say this phrase to couples, even when I'm working with them real time, but I get real time reactions to know I'm on the right track. They're hearing what I'm saying or I'm not.

Corey Allan: That doesn't mean I change track though. It means I try to come at it a little softer in the way to still get to the same point. I really believe that's what helps us all be better and see what things can actually become.

Speaker 6: I am currently listening to the episode 546, and I had a question about the, if I do this, will you do that? You had mentioned maybe just try it out because you don't know if maybe you'll like it. I had a question about, how do you handle that when the person who doesn't want to do the favor or the position or whatever it might be, tries it out, gives it a whirl and really don't like it but then the partner continues to bring it up as something that they would like to do. Just curious on how to handle that going forward. Thank you.

Corey Allan: These are the gridlock things that we've, we've mentioned in the past with episodes, when it comes to one partner wanted something that my other partner isn't interested in or I'm afraid to even bring it up because my history shows yeah, I don't ... Let's set the stage, because there could be people that are listening to this that are new to Sexy Marriage Radio. Maybe they just found us in the last couple months because we've had an influx of new listeners in 2022, which welcome, glad you guys have found us.

Corey Allan: It's recognizing that there's an element of married life, well of sex and married life, that is the way [Shanarsh 00:14:22] refers to this is his leftovers. You get to decide whatever it is you don't want to do and you're not comfortable with, I get to decide whatever I don't want to do and I'm not comfortable with and we do whatever's left over.

Corey Allan: To venture in beyond that, we're going to hit these areas like she's asking of what do you do when my partner wants to do something and I try it out once, which that's a great, great step I think. If it's truly not a uh uh absolutely no way, try it out, knowing full well I have free agency at any point to say, no, this isn't going well. I want to stop. Hopefully my partner at least starts to see, I did venture out a little further into the deep end, if you will of whatever that nuance might be.

Corey Allan: Seeing it as, okay, this is built into a monogamous relationship. This is built into a committed relationship of preferences, desires, wants. Yet I tried it out once and it just didn't go so now what do I do? Just because I tried it out, my partners like, oh cool. That's no problem then, because there's something deeper going on and that's why they wanted to do it or still want to do it. How do you deal with the gridlock that ensues of, yeah, but he's not letting it go or she's not letting it go.

Corey Allan: I think then you start looking at it through this lens of, if it's not a moral issue, it's just what brings about relief and comfort because relief and comfort has a flip side to it of it adds joy and pleasure and enticement, and titillation and excitement. Sometimes we seek out some of these different things that are a little more taboo, if you will, or a little more pushing of the spouses envelope because it's enticing and it's enjoyable. I like the living out there on the edge a little bit.

Pam Allan: Are you saying the comfortable things provide that?

Corey Allan: No. I'm saying that you can flip it. Sometimes we'll say no to something that I don't want to do because it's just uncomfortable.

Pam Allan: Yes.

Corey Allan: Sometimes a person wants to do the these things because they get the joy out of it, which, that's comfortable to them. They like living out on the edge a little more. They like testing these things out a little more. The adventure we have, okay, I'm going to quick-

Pam Allan: I think you're throwing the word comfortable in there and it's throwing me off. It's comfortable to them to get the excitement and those two things to me are, it's the opposite.

Corey Allan: Oh, those are the antithesis of each other.

Pam Allan: Yeah. I stay over here and only do these things because that's comfortable to me and it doesn't raise my anxiety level, but are you saying then, but I want some excitement. I want some ...

Corey Allan: I'm putting these things one and the same.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: Right. Because anxiety is an energy. It's just something that's, it's an emotion. It's a bodily process.

Pam Allan: Anxiousness about, yes.

Corey Allan: It's a bodily process that's an energy. That can either be, I'm afraid of this or I'm excited about this. There's not much different. There's actually some stuff I've been listening to has been some fascinating research on whenever you got to do something like this was done on college campus where teachers got students to go up and have to do a speech which is the number one fear still across the world most of the time.

Corey Allan: They would ask people, what's your self talk? One group would have to be, I'm afraid. I just need to calm them down. The other would be, I'm excited about this and the groups that did, I'm excited about this, stayed on stage longer and had were scored better because the emotion was the same but the label I give it matters. It happens in sex too.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: I want to test stuff out and sometimes one's partner, they love that. That's what they want to do. That's who they are. That adds a vibrancy to their life. They're going to push it. That's what they want. They don't just give up on it. Question becomes, how well do they hold onto themselves whether or not they get it. The same thing is happening with the wife in this regard when she's saying I tried it out, I'm just not interested. It just isn't fulfilling, or it wasn't as comfortable or she has just as much right to her stance as they do.

Corey Allan: That's the gridlock. Then it starts to get into, how do you look at this through the lens of where is there a potential for both of our growth? We are talking about this in deeper context, in the extended content, quick tease.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: I'm not going to give too much away of where we're heading with that, but do you face this is, is this is how you face gridlock, where it's not about getting your spouse to go according to your wants. It's asking yourself the better questions of what is it that made it uncomfortable? What is it that made it to where I don't want to do it? At the same time, your partner going, what is it that it makes it to where I really still want to do this because there's nuances in there. Sometimes I've put a meaning on it that's not as accurate as maybe it needs to be.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: I think it'll be fulfilling. I think it'll be something I'm interested in.

Pam Allan: I'm like pull this out, help this emailer right here.

Corey Allan: Okay. I want to try, help me stay on track with this because what I want to try to do to help bring all this to a close is, bring in another email.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: It's similar but a little more specific within context. This is an email that came in from a husband that says, I recently approached my wife about the possibility of using a prostate massager during mutual masturbation experiences. She wasn't completely on board with the idea. She's okay with the mutual masturbation part, but it's the prostate massager that she's struggling with. Or I could even read a little disgusted in her when I approached her about it. I have a hard time with this as how does that really impact her in a negative way?

Corey Allan: Why shouldn't she be okay with it? I get the taboo around anal play, but I'm not asking her to insert it or to do anything with it. This is for me. Gridlock arises. This is in the same vein of it's pushing an envelope. In this one, it's not even her having to participate functionally with it, but it is something she knows is going on. It is something that she's even asked to be around and watch or be involved in.

Pam Allan: Well, that's just it. This is where that, I'm a little dismayed when you say it doesn't even involve her, I'm not asking her to do it but you're wanting to do it during mutual masturbation.

Corey Allan: So, it does involve her.

Pam Allan: Yeah. If I'm someone who doesn't like to watch scary movies, but you're saying here, we're going to watch scary movies. Well-

Corey Allan: Or I'm going to turn it on while you're sitting there reading a book as if it's not impacting you.

Pam Allan: I still have sensory functions that are impacted by this. If a scary movie's not what I want to see, then I'm getting something, I'm intaking something that I don't want to intake.

Corey Allan: Here's the questions you got to ask yourself. Tell me this is where I want to try to land it for both of the callers, the caller and the emailer.

Pam Allan: Yeah.

Corey Allan: Then you're talking about some of the different things that go on, there's two sides to this. One is what's your spouse's side to it. Can you understand it? Can you see it? Can you acknowledge it? They \have right to their stance whether you agree or it's even counter to what you want or not. They have complete right to it because it's theirs.

Pam Allan: do you feel like it's mandatory is the wrong word, but really important to understand their meaning behind it?

Corey Allan: No, I don't think you have to understand the meaning associated with it because I don't think that makes a problem go away.

Pam Allan: Okay, but you ask the question, do you understand? Why do they need to understand?

Corey Allan: Do you see where they come from and acknowledge the fact that that's the stance they've got? Give them the freedom to have it because what this flies up against is most of the time we just want our partner to go along with what we want. Yet at the same time, I want my partner to want to want to be there. Those two can't usually coexist.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: Sometimes what my partner wants, isn't what I want.

Pam Allan: True.

Corey Allan: This is how-

Pam Allan: Probably quite often.

Corey Allan: Fair enough. This is how we need to start recognizing this is the growth drive wheel of committed relationships at play. If my partner was completely on board all the time, then it's this whole, well, that's not, there's no conflict here. That's too easy. We don't, there's no challenge because these are the things I can either blame my partner because they keep pushing it or they keep wanting something they deem as disgusting or they keep being a prude or keep putting a stake in the ground saying absolutely not, or I need to examine myself because the other side of the question is what's the drive behind what I really want in this?

Corey Allan: How much pleasure, and this is where I want to get a little dark for a second. How much pleasure do I get in watching my partner be uncomfortable with something that it is I want? That's his question.

Pam Allan: Well, that's interesting.

Corey Allan: I'm not even asking her to be involved in it. Yeah, you are. You want to incorporate it in something you're doing together. It's different if you're off by yourself and even maybe if she knows, but there's an element of, I've seen this where a couple had a masturbation understanding that it was okay, but it was one of those where he left signals around all the time when he did almost like flaunting it. It was almost weaponized.

Pam Allan: Interesting.

Corey Allan: Then you have to ask the questions of what's the motivation behind leaving the remnants, if you will, that something happened, because that's a message. Typically deep down, you're getting something out of it. You're even, maybe even getting off on it. That's the underbelly of this whole thing,

Pam Allan: Our a sadistic side.

Corey Allan: True. So seeing it as if I like pushing these things or if I like holding to something I've tried out and I'm not interested in doing, what's the benefit I get out of it by watching my partner squirm or be uncomfortable or be upset or be frustrated based on what they want? It does not mean I give in, but it does mean I recognize the tension and I also see, I get something out of this stance.

Pam Allan: You're making it sound, by that last statement, it makes it sound like everybody's being sadistic and mean, and that's not the case.

Corey Allan: I don't know. Let's go here for a second.

Pam Allan: Well, you and I disagree on this. This is a gridlock issue.

Corey Allan: Perfect. Let's go here. This is from episode 557 where we had the little sideline about food and sex and how you spend your time with a meal and love and we got to talking about the differences in our desires.

Pam Allan: Higher desire, low desire and it went into food prep. Yes.

Corey Allan: A listener emailed in that she said, I enjoyed episode 557 and I had one follow up comment. Pam said that she cooks meals that she believes Corey will enjoy. Isn't it true that Pam may also enjoy cooking meals that she enjoys and Corey vicariously enjoys her pleasure. Maybe not all the time. I think that Pam may be motivated by her own pleasure too in that what she chooses to put on the menu. Thanks for your faithfulness.

Pam Allan: Heck yes. I said that I cook things that you like. I didn't say I do that every meal of the day.

Corey Allan: Right, but there's also the times because this is the flip. The times that you cook the things you want to cook, I don't vicariously enjoy watching you enjoy what you like eating.

Pam Allan: No you don't. No.

Corey Allan: That's the tension that goes on in marriage. There is a cruelty on the other side of this, and I don't want to get into if it's malicious, but there is an element of, I will do things to watch my partner squirm or to watch them be uncomfortable or to poke at them. I mean, that's the normal marital sadism Shanarsh talks about. That's the taking pleasure in other people's demise. Let's go this last way. We're going to run out of time and so we're going to leave this danging. What do you got?

Pam Allan: I still don't think that it's, I do it to watch him squirm. If we go back to the food analogy, you don't sit there and enjoy me watching.

Corey Allan: Let's go with this with [shat 00:28:20] and freud, because that's the German word for taking pleasure in other people's pain discomfort or struggle.

Pam Allan: Yes, because I agree that that happens.

Corey Allan: People that watched the super bowl this past week, if you are a Bengals fan or someone else in the AFC north, and you watched OBJ get hurt during the game, did anybody cheer deep down? Was anybody like, oh good. I don't like that guy. That's Shad and Freud. You watch somebody, you took pleasure over somebody getting hurt.

Pam Allan: Because it meant your team might have an upper leg.

Corey Allan: Correct. The motivation is, oh no, we got a better chance to win. Great. He's out. No, that's the underbelly we do not talk about near enough.

Pam Allan: I get that.

Corey Allan: Okay. That happens in marriage but it seems icky when we do it when we talk about this in marriage.

Pam Allan: I agree but just because I don't like doing something doesn't mean I'm being sadistic.

Corey Allan: No.

Pam Allan: Just because I cook food for myself or just because you don't take pleasure in watching me eat the food I make for myself doesn't mean you're being sadistic.

Corey Allan: No, that's where I want to take out maliciousness. It's not an intentional thing, but I do want to at least acknowledge it exists between us that there can be components to start exploring because then it helps us recognize, okay, how much is what I'm pushing or wanting to have done or not wanting to do? The other side of it matters because if my husband is constantly, but you did it once, let's do it again, and I get reacting to that versus no I'm not interested.

Corey Allan: I realize it's disappointing for you. That's acknowledging both sides as best I can while my job isn't to make it completely okay for them because he's not getting what he wants, or for her because she's disgusted by what I want. What I do with it matters and do I push it or not matters, but I have to realize if I want a person to freely choose to be a part of the different things I do in marriage, whether it's eating or sex or mutual masturbation or any other thing that could be pushing the envelope, I want somebody to choose to be a part of that, to be a willing, full on participant of it.

Corey Allan: Not just somebody accommodating to me because what we often do is, I Badger somebody into getting my way and then I'm mad at them because they didn't want to do it in the first place. That's the stuff that raked so much havoc in marriage.

Speaker 6: Or I give in and do it and I'm mad at them because I gave in and did it after I'd already told them no.

Corey Allan: I'm mad at myself because I gave in finally.

Pam Allan: I'm mad at myself.

Corey Allan: They wore me down and so that's where it becomes this whole idea of the best in us has to stand up to realize, I realize you're going to try to wear me down. That's fine. You're not going to, you're going to get tired before I will.

Pam Allan: Allow the gridlock to happen.

Corey Allan: It's not going away and so that's the whole point I wanted to make with this. I think we're kind of getting, we got caught up in this whole idea of we should resolve these things. No, the it's not going to be.

Pam Allan: I'm not saying resolve. I think I had an issue with it sounded like you were saying 100% of what we do here could potentially be, is sadistic. I'm like, I don't think 100% of it is.

Corey Allan: No, it's not 100%.

Pam Allan: I agree that there is, but I don't want it to hang out there making it sound like 100% of it is.

Corey Allan: We're all just enjoying. We're just getting off on each other's pain.

Pam Allan: No, because I don't think that's what it is. People truly want, I truly want to participate in this with you as my spouse and doggone it, my spouse just didn't want it. How do we deal with this? Just because I want that or just because I might follow through with something doesn't mean I am being sadistic, but I sure need to look at what my motivations are, need to understand am I being that way? I do need to look at that to see how am I responding? Am I being that way? Am I really enjoying their pain and discomfort?

Corey Allan: As a way to end all of this in this segment of the show, the couples that I have worked with or have recognized, or have been a part of SMR for a long time and have really stuck with the process of developing within gridlock have found elegant solutions to set gridlocks. That doesn't mean their gridlock goes away, but they approach it better. Their relationship too, that aspect of their gets better. It's not that they wore their partner down and got what they want. It's they challenged who they are and how they are approaching it.

Corey Allan: That's what creates the possibilities of different and better. That's the deeper meaning of all of this. I'm just laughing Pam, because I'm think of the energy for around the show for the last two segments of the regular and then even somewhat the energy that happened in the extended content today. Then the energy of Pico.

Pam Allan: Right? The dog.

Corey Allan: The dog. When we record these shows, sometimes she's the greatest dog in the entire world and sometimes she likes to be on the air too.

Pam Allan: Yes, she does.

Corey Allan: Today Pico says, hi.

Pam Allan: Right. If you hear the dog, sorry.

Corey Allan: It's real life in the studio of SMR nation because that's just what goes on when you have a lab. This has been Sexy Marriage Radio. We want to hear what was left undone because I got to assume some of the different topics we covered today we didn't get it all done for sure. It maybe didn't come across as clean or clear as it needed to. Let us know.

Pam Allan: I feel like it was really high level and not specific in their situations.

Corey Allan: Then let's-

Pam Allan: Let us know if it's not enough.

Corey Allan: Yeah, where we need to go deeper. Give a us the context to where we need to go deeper and we'll do it. 214-702-9565, feedback@sexymarriageradio.com. Wherever you are, whatever you've been doing to take some time out to spend it with us, we say, thank you and jump in to get the scholarship. You got two weeks and we hope to see an Indy. See you next time.