There are many times when the Bible has been used to limit, guilt, shame or otherwise harm people.
One area where this is prevalent is marital sex.
Too often, the focus in this area has been solely on the pitfalls and prohibition of premarital and extramarital sex.
Growing up in a Christian household, the only time the topic of sex was ever mentioned was to stay away from it. To save it for marriage.
The main idea of this message is good and true.
I believe teenagers aren’t ready for all the complexities of sex. Sure, they can physically engage in the act, but they’re not ready for the emotional, mental, or spiritual components.
There are many people who struggle with sex. They feel dirty or trampy.
Sadly sex is shrouded in guilt and shame.
Did you know that there is a little book in the Bible that can be useful for unlocking more in marital sex? In fact, this book is only 117 verses tucked away in the Old Testament.
The Song Of Solomon.
A love story of a man and a woman. The Song of Solomon is also thought of as the love story between God and His people.
For the sake of this article, I’m not going to attempt to exegete this book, rather I am going to use some of it’s message that can be applied to marriage.
If you take the time and simply read through the book, you’ll notice the poetic language, often seen as erotic and sensual.
It’s important to note however, that no reputable scholar considers the Song of Solomon to be erotic literature. It is a love story. And from this story, there are several points we can learn for our own marriage.
- Pay attention to your sexual life. Every aspect of our life affects the other parts of life. We take time for our physical health, our mental health, and so on. How much effort is spent on your sexual health?
- There is a clear progression both of self-understanding of the lovers, and in their relationship as the story unfolds. As any marriage unfolds, you learn more and more about yourself and your spouse. This can be either a blessing or a curse. It depends on how you look at it. If you focus on your self-understanding more than your spouse, you have potential for more in marriage.
- Use beautiful language. Another occurrence as the marriage progresses is the tendency for both members to become too comfortable and lazy. Rather than romanticizing your spouse with poems or loving thoughts, at the end of a long day, the topic of sex is brought up in the phrase “wanna do it?”
- It’s OK for Christian men and women to enjoy sex. This may seem like a no brainer, but there are many people who still feel dirty or guilty when it comes to sex. Most often this is women, but the Song of Solomon combats this idea in 5:10-16 where you find the woman responding to the man by describing her view of him. Earlier in chapter 4 she invites her lover into her garden to make it his own and enjoy its fruits.
- Take your time. Throughout chapters 4, 5 and 7 you find the man and woman describing each other’s bodies. You’ll also see that the man works his way down her form, then back up. Imagine if during your sexual encounter together, you took the time to massage, caress, and/or kiss slowly all the way down her body, then worked your way back up. And building from point 4, this is not exclusive to the man.
- Keep the bedroom special. Much of this love story takes place in the bedroom. There are many things that can bring a negative energy to the bedroom. The bedroom should be for sleeping and love-making, nothing else! Never argue there. Never discipline the children there. Never pay the bills there. Honor this room as a special room in the house. Teach your children to respect the privacy of this room as well. Teach them that if the door is closed while mom and dad are in there, they are spending some special time together. But won’t they wonder what’s going on and want to figure it out? I hope so. What better way to begin to teach them healthy attitudes about sex.