Sexy Marriage

 

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Recent Episodes

Initiating Intimacy | Rachel Facio and Stacey Sherrell #667

Initiating Intimacy | Rachel Facio and Stacey Sherrell #667

In this conversation, I’m joined by Stacey Sherrell and Rachel Faccio from Decoding Couples.

We have a great conversation about the transition from normal married life to intimacy, the importance of creating margin, and the different desire levels in a relationship.

We also explore the role of initiation and rejection in sexual activity, as well as the significance of character and emotional intimacy. Our conversation emphasizes the importance of communication, playfulness, and understanding each other’s desires and boundaries.

Learn more about Decoding Couples here – https://www.decodingcouples.com/

Takeaways

Transitioning to intimacy requires communication and understanding of each other’s desires and boundaries.
Creating margin between different roles and responsibilities is crucial for a healthy sex life.
Initiation and rejection play a significant role in sexual activity, and it is important to navigate these dynamics with empathy and understanding.
Building emotional intimacy and connection is essential for a fulfilling and enjoyable sex life.
On the Xtended Version …

In the XTD content, we discuss the importance of initiation and communication in relationships.

We each explore how initiation plays out in our own marriages and the challenges we face. We also discuss the power of intimacy school and the importance of understanding the difference between sex and sex with a partner.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

Paired App: Connect with your spouse every day using Paired. Download the app at https://www.paired.com/SMR

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Normal Marital Sadism #666

Normal Marital Sadism #666

In this episode, in recognition of this being episode 666, we go a bit dark and discuss the concept of normal marital sadism (a term coined by Dr David Schnarch), which refers to the intentional infliction of pain, cruelty, and hurt within a marriage.

We explore various examples of normal marital sadism, such as poking fun at and embarrassing a spouse, lying to inflict pain, restricting the autonomy of your spouse, and manipulating them to establish compliance or gain dominance.

Our conversation emphasizes the importance of recognizing our own capacity for cruelty and the need to address it in order to maintain a healthy and fulfilling marriage.

Takeaways

Normal marital sadism refers to the intentional infliction of pain, cruelty, and hurt within a marriage.

Examples of normal marital sadism include humiliating and demeaning others, lying to inflict pain, restricting the autonomy of others, and manipulating others to establish compliance or gain dominance.

It is important to recognize our own capacity for cruelty and address it in order to maintain a healthy and fulfilling marriage.

Denying the existence of normal marital sadism can lead to its prevalence and negative consequences in a relationship.

On the Xtended Version …

What do we do about normal marital sadism? How do I address it? Get rid of it? Or, at the very least limit it’s presence in my marriage?

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

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Attachment Styles and Cycles | Dr Laurie Watson #665

Attachment Styles and Cycles | Dr Laurie Watson #665

In this conversation, Dr Laurie Watson joins me as we discuss the dynamics of relationships and how they can impact sexual intimacy. We explore the misconceptions and expectations that couples often bring into therapy, as well as the triggers and defensive mechanisms that can lead to negative cycles.

We also discuss the importance of recognizing patterns and understanding attachment styles in order to create healthier relationships. Overall, the conversation emphasizes the need for communication, empathy, and a willingness to work through challenges in order to cultivate a satisfying and fulfilling sexual connection.

Learn more about Laurie here – https://www.foreplayrst.com/

Takeaways

Misconceptions and expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration in relationships.
Triggers and defensive mechanisms can create negative cycles in relationships.
Understanding attachment styles can help couples navigate challenges and create healthier relationships.
Communication, empathy, and a willingness to work through challenges are essential for cultivating a satisfying sexual connection.
On the Xtended Version …

In this XTD conversation, we provide an example of a couple’s interaction and explore the emotional and physical reactions that can arise. We emphasize the importance of creating space for communication and understanding each other’s needs. By expressing vulnerability and making plans, couples can overcome the negative cycle and improve their sexual experiences.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

Better Help: SMR is sponsored by BetterHelp. Get 10% your first month at https://betterhelp.com/smr

Yes, But … #664

Yes, But … #664

This week we discuss the impact of trauma on reactions and responses in marriage.

An email from a listener points out she felt that trauma was not adequately addressed last week.

We explore more how both partners are responsible for their reactions and responses, and that there is no hierarchy of pain. We also discuss the importance of regaining a sense of safety in the relationship and the need for both partners to work on themselves. 

Takeaways

Both partners are responsible for their reactions and responses in marriage.
There is no hierarchy of pain in life and relationship.
Regaining a sense of safety in the relationship is important, but it is not solely the responsibility of a partner.
Recognizing and changing patterns is essential for personal growth and a healthier marriage.

On the Xtended Version …

We continue to explore the idea of sexual polarity and look at aspects of masculine and feminine energies.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

Babbel: Get 50% off at https://babbel.com/SMR

More Destructive: His Porn Or Her Reaction? #663

More Destructive: His Porn Or Her Reaction? #663

Today let’s explore the impact of reactions and perceptions in relationships, specifically in the context of discovering pornography usage.

There are lots of complexities with the aspects of honesty, trustworthiness, fear, and shame. Like how others perceive us, the importance of acknowledging others, the reactions to the discovery of pornography usage, motivations for lying, managing fear and shame, breaking the cycle of fear and reaction, recognizing the scripts we carry forward, and seeking professional help or self-reflection. To name a few.

Listen to hear us explore them all.

Takeaways

Reactions and perceptions play a significant role in relationships.
Honesty and trustworthiness are crucial in addressing the discovery of pornography usage.
Fear and shame can fuel destructive reactions.
Breaking the cycle of fear and reaction requires self-reflection and seeking professional help.
On the Xtended Version …

Sexual polarity plays a large role in the energy found between husband and wife – particularly the sexual energy.

What is it? How do I enhance it? Listen to find out.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

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Get Past Your Past | Jason VanRuler #662

Get Past Your Past | Jason VanRuler #662

In this conversation, I’m joined by Jason Van Ruler as we discuss the importance of addressing past wounds and traumas in order to move forward in life and relationships.

We talk about the concept of scripts and how our past experiences shape the narratives we tell ourselves. 

Learn more about Jason here – https://www.jasonvr.com/

Takeaways

Addressing past wounds and traumas is essential for personal growth and healthy relationships.
Scripts, formed by past experiences, shape the way we perceive ourselves and others.
On the Xtended Version …

Jason and I dive into the work of Dr. Schnarch and his theory of traumatic mind mapping, which examines the deeper layers of trauma and the motivations behind it.

The conversation emphasizes the need to confront the dark side of ourselves and rewrite our narratives to chart a new course.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

Paired App: Connect with your spouse every day using Paired. Download the app at https://www.paired.com/SMR

Factor: Get fresh, flavor packed meals ready in 2 minutes for 50% off when you use our code passion50 at https://factormeals.com/passion50.

Who’s Responsible For Whose Orgasm? #661

Who’s Responsible For Whose Orgasm? #661

In today’s episode of Sexy Marriage Radio,  we discuss the truth about pressures in marriage and sex. We explore the dynamics of power distribution in sexual relationships and the responsibility each partner has for their own pleasure.

We also dive into the impact of how we relate to our sexuality and the importance of facing responsibility and making conscious choices.

The overall goal? Have open and honest conversations about your sexual relationship and to take ownership of your own pleasure.

Takeaways

There are natural dynamics and pressure in every marriage.
How you relate to your sexuality and sex life is important.
It all boils down to choice – are they consciously and freely made?
On the Xtended Version …

There are three main components that help contribute to the female orgasm.

What are they? Listen to find out.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

Paired App: Connect with your spouse every day using Paired. Download the app at https://www.paired.com/SMR

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The Truth About Pressures In Sex #660

The Truth About Pressures In Sex #660

In today’s episode, we continue the discussion on the topic of mercy sex and the pressures and obligations that can arise in marriage.

Let’s explore the impact of religious beliefs and family of origin on sexuality, and the importance of peeling away layers and developing new ones to create a more fulfilling sex life.

So what are the practical steps for dealing with pressure and obligation, shifting responsibility, and finding your voice?

Takeaways

Pressure and obligation can arise in marriage, and it’s important to navigate these challenges together.
Religious beliefs and family of origin can have a significant impact on sexuality and the dynamics of a marriage.
Taking the time to evaluate your desires and needs is crucial for personal growth and a fulfilling sex life.
Enhancing sexuality and growing together as a couple requires open communication, understanding, and a willingness to explore and adapt.
On the Xtended Version …

What are the components that help create optimal sexual experiences?

We talk through some research that found six factors and work through them and how they overlap.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

Babbel: Get 55% off at https://babbel.com/SMR

AG1: Take ownership of your health this year with AG1. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase exclusively at https://drinkAG1.com/sexymarriageradio

Busyness and Unhealed Trauma | John Eldredge #659

Busyness and Unhealed Trauma | John Eldredge #659

In this conversation, John Eldredge joins me as we discuss the impact of busyness and unhealed trauma on relationships.

John brings up the concept of inner ages and how unresolved childhood trauma can surface in adult relationships. It is important to create space for our younger selves and having honest conversations about the needs and fears that arise.

We also discuss the fragility of the world and how it can affect individuals and relationships. 
Learn more from John here – https://wildatheart.org/

Takeaways

Busyness can take a toll on relationships, leading to a lack of leisure time and personal well-being.
Unhealed childhood trauma can resurface in adult relationships, causing emotional challenges and conflicts.
Tuning into inner ages and understanding the needs of younger selves can help navigate relationship dynamics.
Honesty and open communication about fears and needs can foster intimacy and understanding in relationships.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy

About your hosts

Corey and Pam Allan

He’s a PhD level marriage and family therapist and she’s a woman who speaks her mind. Together they’re the incredibly authentic, honest, smart, helpful, shockingly open, and seriously fun couple you want to grab a cup of coffee and hang with. They share the ups and downs of marriage along with their listeners,  while giving you conversation starters and actions you can take to ramp up your relationship.

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