The other night, my wife and I were visiting with some friends. At one point, a funny but hypothetical situation was brought up and my wife said, “I don’t know, I’d…”
She couldn’t finish her sentence.
After some coaxing, we finally got her to say what she couldn’t before. She said, “I don’t know, I’d probably divorce him”.
Even joking with friends it was hard to say.
The reason it was so hard for her was because early on in our marriage, we both decided that we would never even mention the “D-word”, not even in joking.
We’ve both conditioned ourselves to avoid the word. It’s easy – neither of us ever want a divorce, so why ever even say it?
Now, whenever we hear someone say the word, it just feels wrong. Dirty. Like a vulgar word. I don’t even like typing it!
Never Say the “D-word”
Talking about divorce in your marriage is about as opposite of what you should do. It’s just not logical.
You got married because you love each other, because you want to give yourselves to each other, and because you want to grow old together.
Saying the “D-word”, even in jest, opens the possibility of it. It can start to seep into your subconscious and can affect your thoughts. Why even toy with the notion?
Society and media has conditioned us to think of divorce as an escape clause. It’s an out for something that’s not working. If you go into marriage with that mentality, then you’ll never truly be able to give 100% of yourself. You know you have a back door.
It All Boils Down to Choice
We all know that thoughts become feelings and feelings become actions. And we all know that our words are a reflection of our thoughts.
What choices we make will be largely determined by the thoughts running through our mind and the words we choose to use.
With a perspective on marriage, Dr. Corey Allan said, “So what’s the secret to making marriage last? Two people who choose to stay married. That’s it.”
It’s been said that you only have to make a decision once. With that in mind, just decide now that you’re marriage is super important. In fact, treat it as the most important aspect of your life.
Also, decide now to never use the “D-word” in your marriage. Treat it the same way as you would a really bad swear word. Don’t let it leak into your vocabulary. Treat it as something offensive.
Focus on the Good Words
With a world of positive vocabulary out there, why not focus on the good stuff? It’s just plain more fun!
Share jokes with your spouse. Laugh. Be funny. And don’t forget the romantic and loving words!
Take time every day to actively look for ways you can compliment your spouse. Think about what you would love to hear and say them to your spouse.
Putting Words into Perspective
Let’s pretend that you overhear your spouse talking to a friend in the other room. Let’s say he or she says: “I love that guy (or girl). He (or she) is so good at (fill in the blank with something cool)”. That’s going to make you feel pretty darn good right?
But what if he or she said instead: “My husband (or wife) annoys me. I joke sometimes about getting a divorce if he (or she) doesn’t change.”
Even joking, the “D-word” can sound ugly. In this situation, it could even sound scary.
Divorce isn’t funny. It’s the opposite of a happy marriage. Don’t joke about it. Don’t even say it.
Focus on the good instead. Your marriage will thank you!