Photo courtesy BatOuttaHell
Editors note: This is a guest post from Hayden of Persistent Illusion. She just released The Woman’s Relationship Bible: How I Converted A Romantic Atheist, a free EBook worth checking out. This post is an excerpt from the book. Enjoy.
I know. You just can’t imagine that your strapping he-man of burliness is delicate. It makes no sense! It’s yet more counter-intuitivity that adds such variety to life.
While a woman’s self-worth is often based on whether she is loved, a man’s sense of self is typically based on feeling worthy.
Any man that matters wants to be a good husband, a respected businessman, and an involved father. Thus he is valued and, therefore, worthy.
Ladies, be very careful about arguing with your husband. You shouldn’t avoid confrontation, nor should you seek it. When you must discuss something with your beloved, do not verbally assault him.
You might think your stoic man can ‘take it’, but what you don’t realize is that all he hears is “you failed me”. It’s no wonder men don’t want to ‘talk’. Usually ‘talking’ means they’ve failed, something they wish to avoid at all costs.
When I met Chris, his heart and soul were wide open. This didn’t strike me as odd in any way because that is how people are supposed to be. It wasn’t until I had a conversation with his mother that I realized how unusual it was for him. People had half-joked that he was an emotionless robot. That’s why, his mother assured me, she knew I was The One. Not only was he more open, he was actually telling her he loved her!
Why, then, did he, like many other men, emotionally close himself off? Because it is better not to feel at all than to feel like a failure.
Choose your battles wisely and make sure they are worth it. Every argument can be a chip in his delicate armor, every criticism a reason he closes off a little more. Gently and lovingly, inspire him to be a better man; a message which is miles away from “you failed”. Because it’s when he thinks he’s a failure that he starts to wonder why he should even bother.
Basically, do unto others.
And also keep in mind that the majority of men are less aggressive regarding relationships, and do not typically bring up issues of emotion. Sure, he’ll let you know that you guys need more milk – but he won’t tell you when he needs more playfulness and affection.
Unfortunately, this works to the major disadvantage of your marriage, as you may start to think that he is the only one messing up. Know that you, too, could use some improvement; it’s just another case of the squeaky wheel getting all the attention.
Interestingly, even though most men prefer dogs, they are really more like cats. Men are not indiscriminate with their emotions, regardless of the person. They will not wag their tails and jump for joy, forgetting the fact that you mistreated them the day before.
Men are more subtle, more guarded with their emotions. You have to earn their trust, and shower them with affection, just like with a cat.
And, yes, dogs are a man’s best friend… exactly because they are like women!